I saw all those post in the forum with people with ED ... and usually who stopped eating. I had this super stupid thought : how lucky they are ! Though I know it's also something very serious. But I thought that I wish I could stop eating just for one day and what I really thought was cool was to be able to do that. As they are getting their body used to refuse food I got my body used to accept food weither I'm hungry or not at all. Feeling sick afterward for all the junkfood I suddenly absorb and feeling so ashamed to act like such an animal. It's just this comforting feeling when I eat that I seek for. I try to avoid the mirror and there will be no one to tell me that I am not fat. But somehow I am such a failure that might just be what fits me the best : fat ugly and stupid.