I have a lot of major problems - heart, asthma, copd, cancer, spinal stenosis. The first 3 are all fatal, and I have been fighting to keep alive for nearly 5 years. And for the 5 years the doctors have been telling me i only have minutes left. I am also in a lot of pain. And I am still in there fighting to stay alive. In the last 8 months I have been experiencing a new problem. I am suicidal. I have checked everything and the only thing that can be causing this is the medicines I am taking. At least 3 of the medicines cause suicidal thoughts. It has been getting pretty bad. A couple of times it got exceedingly bad at night. I called a suicide hot line for some help both times. And it was about 2 AM when i called. They answered that they were busy and that I should call back later. WoW ! I was floored by that. I wanted to hurt myself so bad - and I did not know what to do. I asked one of my doctors and he told me that I get very emotional whenever I take one of those 3 medicines. But I was afraid to tell him that I have been suicidal from them. I was afraid he would withhold the medicines from me. I have also been going to a very high place and sitting there - just trying to build up enough strength and determination to just jump when I feel suicidal. There does not seem to be any logical reason why I want to end everything. The purpose of this post is to ask for your help .... I am scared. I do not think I could weather another session like the 2 other. I have no idea what to do to stop this from harming me. It seems to get real bad at night , when things get quiet. I cannot stop taking the medicines - because they are keeping me alive and without them I would not last mrore than a few months. Can anyone suggest anything I can take or do to help me to overcome this problem ?