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Medicines making me suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadcat, Mar 2, 2012.

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  1. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    I have a lot of major problems - heart, asthma, copd, cancer, spinal stenosis. The first 3 are all fatal, and I have been fighting to keep alive for nearly 5 years. And for the 5 years the doctors have been telling me i only have minutes left. I am also in a lot of pain. And I am still in there fighting to stay alive.

    In the last 8 months I have been experiencing a new problem. I am suicidal. I have checked everything and the only thing that can be causing this is the medicines I am taking. At least 3 of the medicines cause suicidal thoughts. It has been getting pretty bad. A couple of times it got exceedingly bad at night. I called a suicide hot line for some help both times. And it was about 2 AM when i called. They answered that they were busy and that I should call back later. WoW ! I was floored by that. I wanted to hurt myself so bad - and I did not know what to do.

    I asked one of my doctors and he told me that I get very emotional whenever I take one of those 3 medicines. But I was afraid to tell him that I have been suicidal from them. I was afraid he would withhold the medicines from me. I have also been going to a very high place and sitting there - just trying to build up enough strength and determination to just jump when I feel suicidal. There does not seem to be any logical reason why I want to end everything.

    The purpose of this post is to ask for your help .... I am scared. I do not think I could weather another session like the 2 other. I have no idea what to do to stop this from harming me. It seems to get real bad at night , when things get quiet.

    I cannot stop taking the medicines - because they are keeping me alive and without them I would not last mrore than a few months.

    Can anyone suggest anything I can take or do to help me to overcome this problem ?
  2. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    Sadcat, I was very sad to hear what you had to say, and it puts into perspective my own issues. My suicidal tendencies have manifest themselves for so many years; I cannot count their number, but I know they are numerous. Dont feel alone, you never have been. There are so many of us out there who cut themselves, and so be it. Just do not go any further with your emotions. x
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am glad you posted here. Please keep posting. People here will care about you. AND you do not have to worry about being honest. Do you think that there might be a medicine that they can add to try to lessen the feelings of being suicidal ? It often is very safe to tell a doctor that a medication is causing them to feel suicidal, if they add in that they are thoughts that you will not act on the feelings. But I do think its important to find a way to make that true. Even if it is each day or moment at a time. Do you have a therapist you are seeing? I hope so. And if not, would it be possible to find someone? Sounds like you are dealing with SO much !!!!!

    I have told doctors that I want to die. But I also add that I will not do anything to take my life. They have honored that. I also have gone to a naturopath to help find suppliments that can be taken for the neurotransmitters. I was taking rx medications. I have been told that some medications can supress, or somehow alter the function of neurotransmitters. I hope you can be honest with your doctor while still getting the medication you need, and maybe something added in to help with the suicidal feelings. Keep posting...... please :hug: :flowers:
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    ^ agree that you should tell the doctor. they may be able to adjust your meds

    I say this often, but you might want to try getting chinese medicine in addition to your current treatments

    you can probably make some adjustments that help. if the doctor can't help, you may want to get a second opinion.

    if that doesn't work, you might want to think about stopping the meds. you might die without them, but if you can live comfortably for a few months, that might be better than being in agony and committing suicide.

    I hope that you can make adjustments though, and that things get better. that's not fair to have so many diseases gang up on you
  5. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    I am having difficulty with 3 medicines - one is for cancer - so that involves the oncologist and the urologist. The second is for nerve pain from sciatica and stenosis and cancer of the spine - and that involves the oncologist, and the orthopedic doctor and the rheumatologist. The third is for for breathing difficulties - and that involves the pulminary doctor , and my family doctor.

    I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT TELL THE DOCTORS THAT I AM SUICIDAL. period - that is not a possibility. Forget it.

    I do not know anything about chineese medicines. I barely know anything about domestic medicines.

    I cannot stop taking the medicines - because they are keeping me alive and without them I would not last mrore than a few months. Suggesting that I stop the medicines is not a good thought. That is suicide. NOT A POSSIBILITY.

    Can anyone suggest anything specific I can take or do to help me to overcome this problem ?

    Abd I have another problem. When I was very young - I had severe pain and was not treated for the pain. I was in an abusive situation then. I became a head banger and banged my head for 17 years. So I do have a history of self abuse. Of course, I was trying to cope with an impossible situation.

    Everyday now, I am feeling the pull of suicide more and more . I need help. I am here to ask you all for that help. Why here - - because you understand that I am in a bind and that I do not know what to do.
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I wish I had a great suggestion for you, sadcat. I respect you for not wanting to stop taking the medicines. I really like your determination. I am very sorry that you expereinced a lot of abuse at an early age. Its quite common for people who have been abused to self injure. I hope that someone here can come up with a good suggestion that feels right to you.

    I had one more thought. Would it be possible, or even appeal to you, to find a support group for people who are dealing with cancer? You might find people who have first hand expereince with / answers for the question you have. Of course even if you did find a support group, I encourage you to be here posting. There are very kind caring people here.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I had another thought. What about finding a psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology? you could tell him or her that the medications that you are on for the cancer, are making you very depressed ( or whatever word you want to use). And that you need medications that can help you with that. If you can find a good psychopharmacologist, then they might well know what to give you to mitigate some of the suicidal side effects of your current medications. I really hope you can get some relief from at least the pain of the depression.
  8. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    HI Flowers

    I want to thank you for all of your help and support .
    I also want to thank Lincoln Toon, and May71. I do appreciate your efforts and thoughts.

    Okay - I do not wnat to start with a psychiatrist.
    I have previously , when very depressed once, worked with a psychologist. OF course psychologists are not into medicines.
    I have tried out taking a little klonopn from my supply of meds. It did help me quite a nit last night.
    I have also worked extensively with cognitive behavioral theory, and its application - very helpful.
    My problem is medicines - not issues that I need to deal with.

    I still feel I need more options. And I am asking for more suggestions. Why ? Because I need something to do or somewhere to go or something to take to help me if I get into a strong urge. I am not so sure I can anylonger resist it. I am getting very weak from all of my maladies.

    Also - how do I friend you ? I am quite new to this forum - do not know how to do that. I assume that would make contacting the friends easier.

    Had a very bad attack of asthma last night too. was not sure I would make it til today - Fortunately I had a nebulizer here and put some albuterol, and pulmicort into it and it elped me over the hump.

    So weary...
  9. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi sadcat,

    To add members as friends, here are a couple of ways you can do so:

    Option A.

    1. Click on flowers' name in one of the above posts, and a box should come up with these options:

    View Profile
    View Forum Posts
    Private Message
    Add as Contact

    2. Click "Add as Contact" and then click on the box to the left of the sentence "Also send a friend request to ______."

    3. Lastly, select "Yes" to officially send the request.

    Option B.

    1. View flowers' profile - you can view her profile by either:

    (a) clicking her name shown beside any of her posts, and then selecting "View Profile"


    (b) going to the drop down arrow at the top of the screen to the right of the word "Community" and then selecting "Member List." After that, click on the drop-down arrow next to the words "Search Members" at the top right of the screen. Lastly, type in her screenname (flowers) in the search box, click search, and then select her name.


    (c) a slower way would be finding her name elsewhere (on other people's friends lists or visitor message walls, for example)

    2. To the top left of the screen, click "+Add as Friend."

    3. Select Yes.


    I hope this helps, and good luck....I hope you soon start seeing signs that things are getting better. :)

    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2012
  10. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Sadcat - weare not therapists or doctors here, so we can't responsibly say "Ok, go the the health food store and get this, or go into the woods and find some of this", especially given the interactions of the medication you're already on. We're peers, trying to help each other with support and encouragement.

    You've been very plain about the things you WON'T do, but really, compared to ending your life, are they that bad an alternative? I understand that you are in pain now, what if you botched a suicide attempt and wound up in worse physical shape? It's not that uncommon.

    I wish you the best, please stick around and keep posting, maybe someone will have better ideas than me.
  11. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Thank you Speedy.

    1 Lefty - -your right - and I know you are not doctors.
    Not really looking for that. Just looking for ideas and hoping to make a fee friends so that the next time I getinto trouble - I can hopefully contact someone. Am feeling too alone. Need someone or something to be able to talk when i am in trouble. A few words might be enough to distract me; i do not know.
  12. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Keep posting - this is a safe place, (as long as you stay within the FAQ) you won't be condemned or criticized

    We do our best to support each other, trying to keep each other safe

    Stick around, I think you'll make plenty of friends
  13. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thanks Speedy for those instructions. Well said !!! :hug:

    Sadcat, I honesly cannot imagine how frustrating this must be for you. To be sick from the medications while fighting for your life. I will be glad to add you to my friend here. I just wish I had a brilliant idea that would help. Just keep posting. Sometimes that really helps people to get through the times when the feelings are most acute. Also some people like going to the chatroom. I dont go there. But some do say it helps.
  14. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    I am back. I have been sick for the past 3 months. Had a cold. Being so weak - that turned into an attack of either asthma or COPD or bronchitis. Had to go onto prednisone two times. The second time after going to the ER for help breathing. Did not want to go back on the prednisone. Finally got a couple of calls from doctors practicall screaming at me "that I would not make it thru the weekend alive if I did not go back onto the prednisone immediately". So upsetting.

    Okay so I took the prednisone finally. Now I am in heart failure from the prednisone. Jolly. Frustrating. Still in heart failure even now.

    Have been getting very strong pull to commit suicide again. Still have not even told cardiology that I am back in heart failure.

    Am asking again for any thoughts on what to do, or what to take or how to fight these awful urges.

    One good thing right now - Iam so weak I can not climb over the railing in that very high up place. But I am still moving toward going up there to try ...not good.

    Any thoughts appreciated. Kind words also appreciated. Harsh words would be bad right now.
  15. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    The ONLY help that is real for you would be telling your doctor. Your medications need to be switched and adjusted, it is simple. If you twisted your ankle and went to the doctor for it, would you not tell him that your ankle hurts? I don't see why this is any different.
  16. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    The main medicine which is causing the problem is for cancer. The only medicine which they have for me at this time is hormone therapy. When one of the hormone therapy meds causes suicidal issues -then they all do. If I tell him - he will just withhold the medicine or push me onto chemo therapy which only gives me 3 terrible months to live. Then I will die.

    SO this is really not an ankle problem. And it is not quite that simple.

    The second most important medicine causing difficulty is for nerve damage pain. Without it my nerve pain levels will rise to 10 out of 10 - very bad scene. Yes , there are some other pain meds for nerve damage. The sister medicines for nerve pain will also cause the same issues.

    Thank you for your thoughts anyway.
  17. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Haven't been on in a while. Just read your replies.

    Acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine are both part of Chinese medicine. Acupuncture in particular is used to treat pain. If you wanted to try these, it would be good to tell your doctors.

    Sorry that you are suffering so much. Do you want to talk about the abuse that you went through?
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