Miserable, suicidal thoughts

[invisibleperson]

I feel like this thread will be a bit of a mess
Im really struggling with suicidal thoughts coming back again
I feel like i have so many wasted years in my life
Im not a person i ever thought i would be or want to be
Keep having nightmares of memories of being lonely and miserable
I just cant imagine how life can ever not be suffering and misery
Plus its coming up to my 33rd birthday and i really feel like im just getting worse health wise each year
Therapy hasnt helped me
I feel like a lost cause honestly
Whats the point in carrying on?

 

[MisterBGone]

I feel like this thread will be a bit of a mess
Im really struggling with suicidal thoughts coming back again
I feel like i have so many wasted years in my life
Im not a person i ever thought i would be or want to be
Keep having nightmares of memories of being lonely and miserable
I just cant imagine how life can ever not be suffering and misery
Plus its coming up to my 33rd birthday and i really feel like im just getting worse health wise each year
Therapy hasnt helped me
I feel like a lost cause honestly
Whats the point in carrying on?

Hello, and sorry you're struggling... @invisibleperson !
Are you still lonely now, or are these recurring memories, from before?
Life can be quite miserable, and I'm sorry that you're not finding much to look forward to
or to feel good about, especially in regards your health.
Are you able to get these things taken care of, or are they being addressed?
I'm glad you're in therapy. I'm sorry it's not going so well.
Do you think it's because of the person in charge, or is it the actual process itself
which seems to be either letting you down, or is not for some reason or another
effective for you right now?
It is hard not to look back. Just try not to get too stuck in doing so, as that is a train of thought
where we can become stuck (in). And then it can be habit-forming, or the type of thing that
behaviorally, or ritually, sort of - we just sort of get in the routine of doing.
Which can of course, then routinely & regularly, just bring us down.
The point in carrying on, is hopefully, to find a purpose and a reason to live
and / or, for being here. If that is hard to find now, due to how you are feeling
and how you have been. Then I'm hopeful that you can find the help that you need
to feel a little less lost, in this regard. And to hopefully also find some hope
that can inspire you and encourage you, to reach forward. And to try to find something
to look forward to. So that you've got some hope in order to live for. Sometimes, if we
can stop, or slow our downward progress, then that can help us to build some positive
momentum as we go forward. And being to sort of - repair, ourselves, I guess... & in a way~!.
Anyway, wishing you well. Mr b

 

[Anne Charlotte]

Often have been at that point too and am again and again. Right now crawling out of the pit again - or try. But these times between these deep deep downs always content so many good and lovely moments, people, new unexpected changes to the good. I feel this is it what counts for me. And during years I realised that I remember the good moments and let them count more often when I am feeling low.

I hear you and I wish things to calm down for you soon. Have a good day.

 

[LonelyHiker]

@invisibleperson

I meant to respond to you sooner! Welcome to the community 😀

I'm sorry you're in so much pain 😔 Depression is a despicable ailment and it can indeed lie to us and make things seem hopeless. But there is always a way forward even it doesn't feel like there is. There are good people here and links to many resources. I hope you'll stick around and share more of your story.🙏

BTW, happy early birthday 🎂 🎇! Today (Dec. 1) is my son's birthday (17). I hope it will be a better days for you from here on out!

🕊️ peace to you, I hope things get better

 

[Windhover]

Sending my thoughts and support @invisibleperson, I'm sorry to hear of your feeling trapped in the misery of depression.
I don't know if there's anything I would like to destroy more than depression, and the pain it causes.

I hope that being here takes some of the bitterness away from loneliness. You're among people who understand, and care, and it's safe to let out whatever you'd like to say.

I don't know if this makes sense; when I'm feeling anxious and hopeless I try to think that I have to give myself a space to let messes be, allow them to tell me what bits if any could be sorted and which have to bide their time, and stay where they are.