Missing the one person who always cared

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by lightning05, Aug 3, 2016.

  1. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    My uncle died in 2012 and time has passed, but his death is still something that hurts me deeply. He was the only extended family member I was close with and the only one willing to be a part of our family (our grandparents and other relatives don't talk to us). It happened so quickly. He had a persistent cough that ended up being stage 4 lung cancer and in 4 months he was gone. Lately I have been missing him so badly it brings tears to my eyes. He was someone I could always go to who would make me laugh and he always knew what to say. I know if he could he would have given the world to me. He was one of the best people I have ever known and I feel that it is a cruel twist of fate that he was taken away from us. I went through depression for about a year after he died (along with all of my other issues that were resurfacing at the time). I think because right now I am at such a low point and am so depressed that I wish so desperately to speak to him. I would give anything I have right now just to spend 5 minutes with him again. Sometimes it feels like his memory and me wanting to make him proud that is keeping me alive even though all I want to do is be with him wherever he is in the afterlife.
     
    moxman likes this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Lightning my dear friend, it's tough losing a loved one, especially one who was so special to you. I lost my Mom and last family member last year so I know how much it hurts, but I still talk to Mom and Dad cause I believe they can still hear me wherever they are. Try it my friend, get someplace quiet and pour out your heart to your Grandfather. It may sound crazy but it helps me. Take care sweetie....sending hugs and good thoughts
    Brian
     
  4. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I do believe that I talk to him and when I have dreams and he is in them I feel like he is genuinely there. I don't know if it's selfish or not but I guess I wish he was here to help me through my depression and sucidial ideation. Everything just really hurts right now.
     
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  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I know my friend, life is tough :(. I've been struggling myself with depression and anxiety and it wears you down. I wish I could make you feel better, just remember that these thoughts will pass and keep talking to your Grandfather I really believe our loved ones hear and try to help us. Hugs
    Brian
     
  6. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Thank you @Brian777 . It is very draining. If only the mind had an off switch. *hugs*
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  7. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I miss my grandmother; she was so kind to me. In my hellish childhood , I knew when I was with her I was safe. I was safe from the warzone, from the drinking and doing drugs, from the that drunkard would beat my mother, from that drunkard who would hit me, from that drunkard that would punch holes in walls or just destroy stuff. I was safe from that drunkard and his tales about my parents in their high school days (something no child should here). Even thou she stood only a little over 5 feet she made me feel like the safest kid in the world. When I was with her was the only time I was safe from either household. The kindness she showed me, I will never have it back. I will never have someone just bestow kindness on a scared child like it was nothing, but it was nothing for her, but it meant the world to me. I miss her everyday. I regret we weren't close as I should have been because of my stupid ex-wife. I only had two females in my life that were positive role models and she was the first one, to show me what love was in the tender way she treated me, the way we would play card games or board games or work on an endless puzzles. The way she loved to cook and feed me. The weekends at her house were some of the best times of my life. She was so special to me, but I never got a chance to tell her. Because of my stupid ex-wife and her endless meddling and causing trouble. Stupid me was too busy playing peacekeeper rather doing what was right. I truly regret not spending more time with her at the end. Grandma, I Love You So Much
     
    Brian777 likes this.