This is my first thread. I am suicidal. I have been for months. This isn't the first time I've been this way, but it is the longest and hardest. I'm facing losing my freedom for the rest of my life. I can not imagine living in prison until I am in my 70's. If I survived that long, I would be released to the world, poor, immediately on welfare, and with nothing and no one in my life. I am forcibly separated from my wife and I no longer trust that she is on my side. I want to be cremated because I don't want to be put in a grave by myself. All this is meaningless in this thread. I have a son who is 12. I want to write letters to him now for the future. This is not a timeline or planned suicide thread. What I want to know is, from men out there who lost their fathers when they were young, what are some of the most important times in your life you wish you could talk to your dad? So far I've thought of the following: First love, first broken heart. First car. Graduation. Engagement. Marriage. First child. Don't think of this as helping plan a death, think of it as helping me through a therapeutic means. Sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum, but it looked like where I would get the best answers.