Motivation issues

[Jagroen]

Hello,

Im just doing another rant because once again, no motivation for anything in my life.

I just got a job and did my 1st day today...9am - 5pm..

i go in again tomorrow, but after work i just sat and thought....whats the point of me having a job, living on my own...
my life will stay this way for the rest of my life...just like scars...how can people be so defensive and call the police on someone who cuts,

but those who dont want a job because they hate being told what to do HAVE to get a job...i just dont understand anymore...

family members of mine are growing up so fast, graduating high school / college even moving across the country..they seem so happy and they are like 5 years younger than me...i feel like a complete loser...i dont stand up for anything anymore...no point when all my dreams / hopes keeping vanishing before me...

i wish i could go back in time and grow up before my parents flew me out to ontario without my consent....
ever since i came out here, its been a hell hole for me...i havent been "truly" happy to myself every since... i feel like im living a nightmare

sorry for the rant, just going through a rough time right now...

 

[total eclipse]

Im sorry you are in so much pain hun Unfortunately one has to work hun to put food on ones table and to pay the bills I wish you could find a job that brings you some joy
When you are old enough hun do you ever think you would like to go back to where you moved from What is it you are missing friends your way of life in the old place
You can have that again when you are old enough and have the finances to travel. Don't be sorry hun for ranting that is what this place is for to let your voice be heard and understood hugs to you

 

[Jagroen]

well i told my councilor AND my parents, whats the matter where i go cause i get told what to do, either from my parents or anyone else(friends/doctor)

i cant make my own choices, and i really didnt want to come on to ontario....right now i regret EVERYTHING

 

[whisperedshouts]

I have to say, your parents definitely are not right for sending their child out to another country/state, especially when it seems as though you need them the most.

Have you ever tried to reach out to someone, hun?

I know that one of the biggest mistakes I made in the past was never properly reaching out to someone.

I would always hint at it, but I would never truly reach out. Almost as if I thought that I didn't matter to them, but I did, I just never wanted to admit that I wanted or needed their attention to that point. I didn't want to look like a fool, or a crazy person. Your thoughts, the way you feel...it's okay, most days, to not be okay.

So don't be afraid to embrace those crappy days, but also remember that there's a point to your life. You exist. You're alive. Take a deep breath, you can feel your heart beating. It's bloody brilliant, isn't it?

Your scars? Their just scars, and that's it. Don't let those scars tell you who you are, don't let them persuade you. They don't own you.

You're a strong person, and I believe in you.

 

[Jagroen]

I wish i could stay strong and feel the ability to do all of that. Just my motivation..just everything in my mind...its rough on my because im ALWAYS questioning EVERYTHING i say/think/do...like i helped a elderly lady carry groceries to her car today...but the walk home, i asked myself..should i have done that? what good will come to me now?

i feel selfless,
ignorant ALOT of the times cause i help people when they dont need help.
im just getting worse and worse ever since i moved...but at least i have a job that pays a dollar more than minimum wage and its a call center too.

 

[whisperedshouts]

You know, sometimes, I wonder why I do stuff too.

Like, most of the time I question whether or not I should have done it in the first place but I've stopped doing that. Don't think of what/why/when/how all the time. Just know that if it's something you can't take back, you most definitely did it for a reason.

What's the point?

The point is; you thought it was the right decision, even if it turns out bad; it's still right.

The point is; you helped that old lady cross the street. No one does that anymore. No one.

The point is; from what I can tell hun, you're a very sweet person.

The point is; you need to stop questioning yourself and your motives.

If you think too much about what you say or do to other people, it starts to overwhelm you and if that's something that starts to interfere with your mood, then it's time to stop that train of thought. You did what you did, and therefore you cannot take it back.

Don't question something that begs not to be, because when you don't find the answer it'll drive you mad.

I've learned -the hard way, believe me- to never dwell or dote on the past, the outcome was never a good one.

I have faith that you will come to terms with your self-doubt one day, I really do.

 

[Jagroen]

Ya, i can relate to wanting answers from before i even moved out here...still makes me crazy...

I try and be myself, but i keep gettign all these mixed feelings, like either im nervous what people think of me or my expectations are too high or something
I wonder why i just cant be myself in this world today...its like all the motives and lessons that i was inspired by when i was younger were just a hoax...
i feel like im just living a big lie