My world was shattered when I watched you die mum. I know you were surrounded by love. All your children and dad your husband of over 50 years. I thought I was ready. I thought I was prepared and the end would bring relief. I could not have been more wrong. It hits like a Tsunami and then suddenly there was so much I had to say so much I wanted to ask. I had you for over 45 years in my life and still it was not enough time. I wish you were here now. I wish I could go round to the house and see you sitting in your chair and speak like we used to. You never gave up on your children. You dedicated your life to us to the family. When the cancer took you it was quick. Undeserving and relentless with its brutality and speed. When your coffin came into the Church you were there but you were not there. We sat with you as people and priests prayed over your body. I am not a religious person but I know you would have liked that. If only you could have heard these prayers many of which were said In Latin I just know you would have loved it. Things are not good here now mum. I am glad you are not here to see this. I talk to you sometimes when I cant sleep but I cant hear you. Many times I want to join you. One day I will. Who ever said time heals were wrong.