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My anger is beginning to spiral out of control

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JCC988

Well-Known Member
#1
This morning I had a fight with my mother. She said I was being verbally and emotionally abusive which I agree I was. But what I didn't realize until she told me that it was outright sadistic what I was doing. She said I was enjoying it. In hindsight I think I very well was. It made me think back. Those violent thoughts I mentioned earlier? I've come to realize (or rather think) that there IS a part of me that is sadistic towards other human beings.

It's not sitting well with me. The idea of me having sadistic thoughts and now actions towards other human beings. It scares me too. Not just because of how bad sadism is but it's a sign that my anger is escalating to somewhere dangerous. Sadism is bad. Very bad. I know this. I don't think I'm a bad person. So why am I drifting that way? I don't understand anymore.

All I know is that if I'm having sadistic thoughts, it's going to progress into masochism which means I'll be even more at risk of self harm.
 
#3
I think the fact that you're concerned at all should tell you that you have a good heart. You don't desire to hurt others. People with actual Sadism have no regard for others. Obviously, you do. However, you may have anger management issues. Have you considered seeing a counselor or joining a support group? This is a very manageable situation. Especially since you seem to want to get better. Keep hope!
 

littlelucy

Well-Known Member
#4
I think if you were truly "sadistic" you wouldn't care about possibly being sadistic. You know what I mean? You would just be going around care free hurting people and loving it.

Maybe you are just very very angry and a part of you likes to be hurtful, but it's not all of you. If that makes sense...
 
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