My best friend

[Beebz]

Hi all.

My name is Bex and I am currently grieving immensely for my best friend. We were friends for 11 years (I am now 24) we were very close, we spoke everyday. I had only just got back into proper contact with him in the last few months as he had a very paranoid other half who wouldn't let him talk to any girls. They broke up earlier this year, on his decision as he didn't love her anymore.
My friend committed suicide just over a month ago. He had a weekend off work and when he didn't arrive for work the next week they went to his flat. The police found him. He had been there for 2 days. All alone.

No one knows why he did it. He didn't say a word to me or his other friends. Not even his family. I hadn't spoken to him much in the weeks leading up to his death, just out of nowhere he stopped talking to me as much. I thought I'd done something wrong. I spoke to him a few days before he died and he seemed ok, maybe a little distant but I know he had been working long shifts. I'm wondering whether he stopped talking to me and his other friends just before that weekend so that we wouldn't miss him as much?

I am completely heartbroken. I think about him all the time. I can't sleep properly and I feel so sad. I know it hasn't been long but I don't know how much longer I can hurt like this. The anger I have towards him is awful, I can't believe he's done this and made us all feel like this. His poor family are devastated.

I just want to know what kinds of feelings and what frame of mind he must have been in to do this. He was always so against suicide. It hurts more to think that he obviously planned this. The weekend off work, the fact that he cancelled his plans that weekend and he took the hard drives out of his computer. They were no where to be found. Why would someone do that? He didn't leave a note or anything. The inquest is still open.

I am even more confused as he had already done most of his christmas shopping, he even asked a friend of his to go with him sometime soon so he could get the rest. To me that doesn't sound like someone who wants to die.

I think i just need someone to talk to, some sense made of this all, just get it all out. I can't believe he's gone.

Thanks for reading. Xx

 

[total eclipse]

Hun the anger you are feeling is normal ok i was angry at my brother for so long for committing suicide The thing is hun one will never understand fully why your friend decided to do what he did. His pain hun his sadness was too much and he did not reach out for the help the support he needed. Who knows hun something could have triggered him I am sorry you are missing your friend hun i really hope you can get some therapy to help your through this loss hugs

 

[Blockhead]

Words can't describe how sorry I am for you. I didn't think the loss of a loved one was so impossible to endure, especially losing them to suicide. I'm in your shoes right now so I can't really give you any reassurance or advice but I'm here if you need to talk. The only person I felt I could talk to and make myself vulnerable to is the one who committed suicide. I want to say I know how you feel but I'm pretty callous with my emotions yet experiencing death is something out of this world. Surely time will heal our wounds but until then we can suffer through it together if you want.

 

[Tea_at_Four]

Being a survivor of someone else's suicide is unlike experiencing 'normal' death. The questions, the anger, the self-blame... these can all plague you along with the grief at losing your friend. If there is a support group in your area for the survivors of suicide, that can be helpful. Talking with people who have had a similar loss can offer a comfort that a general grief support group doesn't. If you can, find people who 'get it' to talk with.

Take care of your self while you are in grief. Feed yourself, get enough rest, and give yourself a little extra patience. If you need to rest, do that for a while. Then keep going.

 

[xsomewhatdamagedx]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss I know words cannot express the hurt you feel or the pain you are going through but please feel free to speak to anyone on the forum if it gets to much to cope with we will do the best we can to help.

 

[wozudichter]

It takes time. Thirteen years go on Thursday, my friend passed. Not a days goes by. But it's better now. It takes time. Good luck.