My brother is in the hospital for an attempt again.

[throwaway__me]

This is the third time in two and a half years. I talked to him on the phone just this morning and he seemed fine. Now he is being hospitalized again. He wouldn't even speak to me over the phone. My mom only told me because she needed his SSN and since I'm his twin our SSN's are a number apart. I feel worthless. I was just starting to be happy at college. Every time I start to be happy the world reminds me why I never will be. I have no one for support except my brand new therapist, my brand new friends from college, and you guys. Of all of them, I feel most comfortable telling you guys.

I hate this. I feel like I abandoned him to go to college, but I also feel angry that he is doing this again. Harming himself and being violent in the home where my baby sister lives. I hate all of this. On top of it all, my sociology professor just assigned a paper about suicide which is due next tuesday. I don't know if I can write it. I can't deal with any of this any more. Even trying to self harm didn't take away the pain.

I feel awful.

 

[Walker]

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. He must be in a very bad place to have brought him there. Clearly you two understand each other in this. Do you talk about it at all?

 

[throwaway__me]

@Walker. honestly, I saw this coming sort of. he had been texting me about feeling lost since I left for College. I tried to talk to him about it, but he's very cagey about emotions. he was always too vague for it to really raise alarm bells though. I'm so tired. I can't help but feel caregivers burnout. I'm his only outlet. he doesn't have a therapist anymore and my parents have always been terrible. I can only do so much as we are both only 18 and I am 4 hours away.

 

[Walker]

That's pretty terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. You can't really be his only outlet. That's unfair to you both, you know? You need to be able to break out and concentrate on school and getting out in the world and he needs to be able to grow up and get going on whatever HE wants to do also. You two are clearly very close and that is great, twins connection and all that. Can't beat it, I'm sure. But you would BOTH benefit from him getting some professional help and trying to - hmm - social medicine him into something helpful on the side too, you know? Does he work? Get out with friends? Do fun things? Take some classes? These are things that will benefit him ---- and in turn they benefit YOU.
I can feel how stressful this must be for you. Sometimes a story here strikes you. This is one of them. No idea why. I have *zero* connection to any of this. I am a 45 year old guy with a sister who is older. ha. I really wish you both well.

 

[throwaway__me]

he works and goes to school, but all his friends live far away. I go to regular therapy now, but he has no faith in therapy and medication anymore.

 

[kat319]

So sorry to hear this. It's a yucky situation to be in. I hope he gets the help he needs. I also hope you can get the help and support you need. Are there any resources at the school you could use? Have you tried talking to the professor about getting a different topic for your paper? Considering the situation, it wouldn't hurt to ask for accommodations. Best wishes!

 

[Petal]

Hello, I'm terribly sorry to hear this, its very sad. I'm glad he survived and I'm glad you feel most comfortable telling us lot because the support here is literally endless. I feel for you and will keep you in my thoughts.

 

[may71]

Sorry that this is happeing

On top of it all, my sociology professor just assigned a paper about suicide which is due next tuesday. I don't know if I can write it

Your professor might be willing make some accommodation if they know the effect that the topic is having on you

I hope something can help

 

[throwaway__me]

My brother is back in the ER. The only reason I know is because I happened to text asking how he was. Nobody thought to call me or anything. I hate my family. I can't do this. It's an endless cycle. Nothing ever gets better for him, and every time he gets in trouble it drags me down to a dark place.

 

[may71]

Sorry that this is happening

Were you able to find a therapist since you left for school?

I wish your family would at least tell you what's going on. I wonder if in their minds they think it's better not to tell you

 

[throwaway__me]

Sorry that this is happening

Were you able to find a therapist since you left for school?

I wish your family would at least tell you what's going on. I wonder if in their minds they think it's better not to tell you

My mom isn't even bothered by it anymore. I doubt it occurs to her. The first thing she did when I called her was talk about how she had her motorcycle license and was going to buy a motorcycle soon.

Yeah, I'm in regular therapy. And i'm in a group for healthy coping skills to help me stop self harming. It's early days, but it's okay. The thing is, therapy can't fix my problems at home.

 

[throwaway__me]

I just got an email from my mom. She says that if my brother "cries anywhere where someone else can hear" among other things, she is going to call the police on him and kick him out. He struggles with outburst of anger. She never cared when he used to hit/threaten me. But now she cares if he cries because it bothers her boyfriend. Reading that set me off, because I was never allowed to express emotions at home without being punished either.

 

[may71]

Reading that set me off

Understandably. It's like she's not even acknowledging how your home life effected you and him.

 

[Petal]

I'm sorry for what you have to deal with.

Would writing your brother a letter help do you think?

He probably cannot see what he is doing to you every time he ends up in trouble or in hospital because he is probably focused on whats going wrong in his mind. Explain to him how its upsetting the home, the child living there and you. He is obviously at a very low point in his life. I don't think kicking him out is the answer....not yet anyway. Explain furthermore to him how it drags you into a pit of despair, upsets you to no end.

The reason I say this is, when I nearly died 8 years ago, to the point of being on life support I was blind to what my suicide attempts were doing to the people I loved with all my heart, especially to one of my sisters - she still to this day cuts me out of her life completely, it kills me inside and when i found out she needed therapy from seeing me on life support in a coma it crushed my heart and i changed, therapy was my glory and even though I've aplogised a million times - no, she wants nothing to do with me, not even a reply back, we haven't spoke at all in a couple of years.

I think you are in a similar situation as my sister was with me and we had been close all our lives. Open up his eyes to what he is doing. If then and only then, that he does not care, then make your decision. That is the best heart to heart advice I can give you. I feel for you so much. Please try and help him (only if you are in a stable mindset to do so), offer him support and give him his cries for help answered and slowly let him realise what his attempts have done to you and your family. I'm not saying to guilt trip him but to give him a dose of reality - that was what I needed and perhaps its what he needs.

Best wishes 💞

 

[throwaway__me]

I'm sorry for what you have to deal with.

Would writing your brother a letter help do you think?

He probably cannot see what he is doing to you every time he ends up in trouble or in hospital because he is probably focused on whats going wrong in his mind. Explain to him how its upsetting the home, the child living there and you. He is obviously at a very low point in his life. I don't think kicking him out is the answer....not yet anyway. Explain furthermore to him how it drags you into a pit of despair, upsets you to no end.

The reason I say this is, when I nearly died 8 years ago, to the point of being on life support I was blind to what my suicide attempts were doing to the people I loved with all my heart, especially to one of my sisters - she still to this day cuts me out of her life completely, it kills me inside and when i found out she needed therapy from seeing me on life support in a coma it crushed my heart and i changed, therapy was my glory and even though I've aplogised a million times - no, she wants nothing to do with me, not even a reply back, we haven't spoke at all in a couple of years.

I think you are in a similar situation as my sister was with me and we had been close all our lives. Open up his eyes to what he is doing. If then and only then, that he does not care, then make your decision. That is the best heart to heart advice I can give you. I feel for you so much. Please try and help him (only if you are in a stable mindset to do so), offer him support and give him his cries for help answered and slowly let him realise what his attempts have done to you and your family. I'm not saying to guilt trip him but to give him a dose of reality - that was what I needed and perhaps its what he needs.

Best wishes 💞

Thank you for your insight. I'm sorry to hear about you and your sister.

I don't want to isolate my brother further by telling him he is causing my problems. My family was very abusive growing up and I took care of my brother and sister a lot. They are kind of my babies. I don't want to sacrifice the comfort he feels to express himself with me by telling him that his actions are upsetting. I am trying my best to help. Being in college helps maintain healthy boundaries but it also makes it hard for me to stay connected. He will be in inpatient again for a while, so we'll see what happens from here. I doubt anything will change until he can escape our parents, but I'll have hope.

He scares me sometimes though. He has hit me before and threatened me. He is like two different people when he is stable vs. when he is not. I think, that if things continue like this, I may need to back off a little, as much as I love him.

 

[Petal]

Thank you for your insight. I'm sorry to hear about you and your sister.

I don't want to isolate my brother further by telling him he is causing my problems. My family was very abusive growing up and I took care of my brother and sister a lot. They are kind of my babies. I don't want to sacrifice the comfort he feels to express himself with me by telling him that his actions are upsetting. I am trying my best to help. Being in college helps maintain healthy boundaries but it also makes it hard for me to stay connected. He will be in inpatient again for a while, so we'll see what happens from here. I doubt anything will change until he can escape our parents, but I'll have hope.

He scares me sometimes though. He has hit me before and threatened me. He is like two different people when he is stable vs. when he is not. I think, that if things continue like this, I may need to back off a little, as much as I love him.

You have a heart of gold, I understand where you are coming from and i am in awe that you took care of your siblings in an abusive environment. I do hope things get better for him and you and I hope him being an inpatient helps him get through whatever's triggered him this time and that he gets the help he needs. I'm impressed, you're amazing. Stay as you are and hopefully with time and treatment things will start looking up naturally. You're golden Wishing you the best of luck with your family issues and good luck with your studies.