My dad was 54 when he died. He always had a lot of heart problems to do with his weight and eventually had a heart attack while he was at home, alone. He had several pills that he needed to take every day to help his blood pressure and flow, but we found out that he hadn't taken any of his medication in the 5 months before he passed. Although he was never diagnosed, and he would never admit it, I always had a feeling it was a sort of drawn out suicide. He and my mum had divorced a few years ago and both his parents died, which really affected him. I had left home a few years before it happened and we found out that he had gotten into over £10,000 worth of debt and my brother (who lived with him) eventually told us they weren't coping well. I've tried talking to my mum about whether he meant to die but she refuses to accept it, and me and my brother don't talk anymore. It's made me struggle a lot the last three years, thinking maybe if I was around I could've helped. I feel selfish for leaving him, for not seeing the signs, for not calling and seeing him more. He always told me he was okay, but I should've seen it. When I started self harming when I was younger, I used the exact same lines that he used on me in those five months. Sorry for the ramble. I just had no one else to turn to and no one else to go.