My depression

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Harris, Mar 11, 2013.

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  1. Harris

    Harris New Member

    Hi, I'm new to this and this is my first post so here it goes.
    I am male, 18, jobless, a social recluse and generally have nothing in life worth living for.
    My depression started about a year and a half ago, when I broke up with a girlfriend, it wasn't anything serious and I wasn't overly-bothered however it was the start of a long downward spiral. About a month after the split my grandad whom I was very close to died and then I quit A-levels without really having any other plans and it was at this point when I started to become depressed due the feeling of pure hopelessness and having no goals in my life to work towards. I then started an apprenticeship on good money however at this point my depression had really kicked in and it made me hate every minute of it. I used to go to bed the night before a work day genuinely hoping I wouldn't wake up, at lunch breaks I wouldn't sit with my work colleagues, i'd just wander the streets for an hour getting lost in my thoughts. After a while I just stopped turning up and instead would wander around aimlessly. I finally quit which of course my parents weren't very happy with. I got into a bad rut of just staying at home watching films into the early hours of the morning and then sleeping throughout the day which I continue to do to this day. I stopped contacting all friends and just ignored them when they tried to get in touch as I just felt so drained and couldn't muster the energy to even converse with them. Due to lack of exercise and normal daily routine I have gained a lot of weight which has also knocked my confidence and added to the feeling of not wanting to leave the house because I worried about being judged and laughed at. I have been on two types of anti-depressant medication (Fluoxetine and Citalopram) both of which have done nothing for me and this makes me feel like there's no way for me to be cured of this horrible illness. Also recently I have started to see little hallucinations like writing and pairs of eyes on my bedroom wall which I find very worrying. I also feel like I view the world differently to everyone else. I don't see the point in making a family when we're just going to die anyway I don't want to work for other human beings who are effectively the same species as you ordering you around as if the have power over you. I don't see the point in creating great memories when they will be forgotten over time anyway. However I feel like no-one gets where I'm coming from and this makes me feel very isolated and alone. I just genuinely feel like I have nothing to live for anymore, I'm genuinely considering ending it all as I just feel like an endless cavern of loneliness and sadness. Sorry about this being so long but I needed to get it off my chest.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Harris and welcome...did you talk to your doc about the medications not working? Maybe s/he can try something else...other than medication, are you involved in other treatment? Maybe there you can find strategies for expressing what is going on for you which would break some of the isolation. Many of us during our dark periods feel as you do...one thing I have found is that it is critical to start doing something...anything that gets you closer to 'showing up' in the world...maybe stop watching films sometimes and add exercise...look into diets which counterbalance depression and see how you can apply that...something which adds to your well being...welcome again and thanks so much for sharing
     
  3. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Hi. Welcome to the site. I hope you find us to be a nice lot of people :)

    I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I take it from the medication that you have spoken to a doctor, but have you spoken to a therapist? Don't knock it until you've tried it - I found mine quite helpful. It didn't solve anything, but my appointments with him got me out of the house, it got me chatting and being talkative again (even if it was only for that one hour a week.) I'd write things down and we'd talk about why I felt that way, different angles to look at it from. It's a good place to start.

    I know this sounds like crappy advice but it's important to stay active. The more you stay hidden away the harder it will be to re-enter society. Try and get some excerise, even if it's just a jog around the block where you live. You'll feel better for it because it gives you a goal to reach.

    I know it's hard. I've been locked in my room watching DVD's for over 16 hours each day for a whole month. I need to take my own advice and get out. We just need to force ourselves to do a little something each day. You won't miraclously feel better but it will hopefully stop you from feeling worse.

    I also find it helps to keep motivated by just chatting with people online about your interests, discussing films and tv shows you like etc.

    Feel free to chat with me anytime :)
     
  4. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Yes staying active would improve your mood, make you feel lots bettter
    you will sleep better at night and you will lose weight and have lots of energy to do stuff in the morning
     
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