Hi, I'm new to this and this is my first post so here it goes. I am male, 18, jobless, a social recluse and generally have nothing in life worth living for. My depression started about a year and a half ago, when I broke up with a girlfriend, it wasn't anything serious and I wasn't overly-bothered however it was the start of a long downward spiral. About a month after the split my grandad whom I was very close to died and then I quit A-levels without really having any other plans and it was at this point when I started to become depressed due the feeling of pure hopelessness and having no goals in my life to work towards. I then started an apprenticeship on good money however at this point my depression had really kicked in and it made me hate every minute of it. I used to go to bed the night before a work day genuinely hoping I wouldn't wake up, at lunch breaks I wouldn't sit with my work colleagues, i'd just wander the streets for an hour getting lost in my thoughts. After a while I just stopped turning up and instead would wander around aimlessly. I finally quit which of course my parents weren't very happy with. I got into a bad rut of just staying at home watching films into the early hours of the morning and then sleeping throughout the day which I continue to do to this day. I stopped contacting all friends and just ignored them when they tried to get in touch as I just felt so drained and couldn't muster the energy to even converse with them. Due to lack of exercise and normal daily routine I have gained a lot of weight which has also knocked my confidence and added to the feeling of not wanting to leave the house because I worried about being judged and laughed at. I have been on two types of anti-depressant medication (Fluoxetine and Citalopram) both of which have done nothing for me and this makes me feel like there's no way for me to be cured of this horrible illness. Also recently I have started to see little hallucinations like writing and pairs of eyes on my bedroom wall which I find very worrying. I also feel like I view the world differently to everyone else. I don't see the point in making a family when we're just going to die anyway I don't want to work for other human beings who are effectively the same species as you ordering you around as if the have power over you. I don't see the point in creating great memories when they will be forgotten over time anyway. However I feel like no-one gets where I'm coming from and this makes me feel very isolated and alone. I just genuinely feel like I have nothing to live for anymore, I'm genuinely considering ending it all as I just feel like an endless cavern of loneliness and sadness. Sorry about this being so long but I needed to get it off my chest.