I'd like to know exactly what is wrong with me, but I don't think that I'll ever know for sure. The last doctor I was seeing thought that is was Schizophrenia, but I'm not so sure. I was being treated for Schizophrenia since 1998, but these last few years have been different than it ever was before. I also wonder because I've been on several anti-psychotics these last few years and nothing has worked for my most recent mental problems. My brain is just different than it ever was before. I used to always feel different than other people and that God protected me from the badness in the world. I also used to think that God communicated with me. I used to be really successful and happy thinking that way as that's how I was all of my life, except I didn't think that I talked to God until I was older. Now I feel like I am the same as everyone else and it's very disturbing. I can no longer see the differences between me and other people and it causes me to have great difficulty as I'm always thinking that I am the same as everyone else. I no longer believe that I talk to God or even believe in God anymore. I just wish that I knew for sure what was going on. I just can't seem to understand why my mind would be so much different than it used to be. I would think that there would be someone out there who is dealing with the same thing as me, but it seems like most people who are suicidal are dealing with depression. I'm depressed, but it's because of the constant confusion that I feel. So many things are working right, but yet something is totally different. A few years ago I had a CT scan and they found nothing. The whole world outside feels so much different than it used to. Can anyone relate or understand what might be causing my brain to be so much different? There just don't seem to be any real answers. If I was a certain way all of my life until I was 41, I just don't understand why my brain is different now. If it was something as simple as a chemical imbalance, I don't understand why none of the meds have worked.