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Practical Advice My grandma is on the verge of death and I don't know how to act on this situation.

C4RL4

Well-Known Member
#1
To be honest on my life I haven't suffered the death of other people, yes, close relatives I knew have died, but I didn't had any particular feelings about it in the moment for reasons.
This time I'm kind of worried tho, mostly because of my mom, I don't know how to approach her about this.
I know she must be frustrated or sad because of her own mother's condition, but I'm not sure how to handle her.
She doesn't talk much about it, or express being in distress, and that confuss me about what should I do.
I'm not good at managing my feelings, or meet others' emotional needs, everything I know about emotional intelligence is theorical information, so I'm not particularly sure about this.
I know I must be there for her, but how can I console her if she cages her worries away from me or anyone else? How do normally people treat others in this situations is what I will like to know.
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#4
When my mother died a few years ago, one of the things I was worried about was the effect on my kid. Not only because they'd lost a grandparent (and one they were close to) but also because I didn't want them to feel that they had to worry about me. I did my best to keep my grief away from them while at the same time letting them know that I was there for them and that they weren't alone in feeling sad about what happened.

Parents often can't or won't let their children support them - or feel bad if they do. I would say that you should take your cues from your mother. Let her know that you're there to talk, if she wants to, but that you understand she might need time on her own. Let her set the pace. That's the best thing you can do for her (in my opinion).

And, most of all, do NOT be so worried about her that you neglect how you are. If you are looking after yourself - THAT will help your mother.

I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. Take care.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#5
To be honest on my life I haven't suffered the death of other people, yes, close relatives I knew have died, but I didn't had any particular feelings about it in the moment for reasons.
This time I'm kind of worried tho, mostly because of my mom, I don't know how to approach her about this.
I know she must be frustrated or sad because of her own mother's condition, but I'm not sure how to handle her.
She doesn't talk much about it, or express being in distress, and that confuss me about what should I do.
I'm not good at managing my feelings, or meet others' emotional needs, everything I know about emotional intelligence is theorical information, so I'm not particularly sure about this.
I know I must be there for her, but how can I console her if she cages her worries away from me or anyone else? How do normally people treat others in this situations is what I will like to know.
I think if you just ask your mother if she needs anything or if you can help her if shes helping with your grandmother, it would mean a lot to her.
 

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