My late boyfriend died almost 5 years ago

[Suzannenderekh]

He died by suicide. There were signs in the weeks before but I didn't pick up on them in time. I feel relatively okay most of the year until November rolls around; his death anniversary and his birthday are both in the month of November. I have a husband now, two beautiful baby girls. I still can't shake the awful feelings that come flooding back around this time of year. What is it about anniversaries?

 

[Petal]

Hi there & welcome. The best thing you can do in this situation is make sure you keep yourself the no 1 priority. Seek help from professionals and do not blame yourself. I lost my friend 4 years ago, I know hard it is. I am sorry for your loss and wish you all the best x

 

[Suzannenderekh]

Yep, self care, self care. I've been neglecting this. Thank you for the reminder that I need to start taking better care of me. As for blaming myself, I have a hard time with this one. It's something I will have to work on for quite some time.

 

[total eclipse]

Sorry for you loss i understand the guilt feeling ones left behind often do blame themselves as i do
Hope you can surround yourself with care and compassion hugs

 

[Suzannenderekh]

Hugs to you as well total eclipse. Thank you.

 

[Petal]

Buy a diary. Write down your thoughts like I do and you will find what triggers you, what motivates you, self care is a must. Look after number 1= you.

 

[Suzannenderekh]

This is something I've been meaning to do. I used to write all of the time, I even enjoyed it. It's probably the one thing I'm good at. But once I started writing after my loved one died I just got scared by what I wrote so I quit. I've been meaning to start again, I want to try to write a book even. I guess I could start out with writing simple things down.

 

[Petal]

If you feel you can and have the ability and capability to write a book go for it, but try start with the journal. Even the simple things such as good hygiene could be noted, don't neglect your body, write down your fears, your hopes, wish,dreams etc... good luck

 

[Bloop]

Do you have an idea for the book? There are diary sections on this forum if you prefer to write it here than on paper. There is a public and private diary section too, if u want to keep things to yourself. Good luck with the writing, I wish you the best.

 

[Suzannenderekh]

Hey, that's a great idea! I didn't realize that! Thanks for the info. I want to write a book but in a way that's more helpful than hurtful for people; I want to write about how suicide has impacted my family and myself, and I want to write about my recovery process and how I was able to keep moving forward rather than staying stuck like many of my family members have been. I still have to get some more recovery time in before I can write about that part though lol.

 

[Bloop]

You're welcome. That sounds like a really good idea. There are a lot of people in this world suffering with loss and pain and to have someone who can put into words how they have managed to recover and move forward sounds really positive. I'm sure it would help many people. There is of course a member contribution section here where people post poetry, art and stories that they wish to turn into a book, if you get round to writing the book you could post snippets here as you go along It might be that writing the book helps you recover as well.

 

[Suzannenderekh]

I'm going to give it a shot. Thank you for being so helpful.