my loss

[Boonesfarme]

I don't know where to start, where to begin, who to talk to. I don't even know why I am here. I guess this is as good place as any.

Three years ago my wife of 20 years was Diagnosed with Stage IV Lung cancer. Doctors gave her months to live but the miracle of new target drugs gave us 2 years together. She passed away in July of 2016. I took care of her everyday while she was sick. for 2 years I was with her. In the year since her death I have sold our house. I couldn't bear to live in it anymore. Cancer wrecked us financially. I have been working again and dug out of the hole I was in.

In 1 year I will be 50. I feel my life is over. I got 20 good years with my soul mate. Our only son is off making his life now and doing well in college. The last year has been totally devoted to helping him get through everything.

Am I suicidal? No. I am just trying to deal with everything. I guess I suffer depression but not to the point I need medication. I am new to grieving, Both my parents are alive and doing well in their 70s. I don't talk to anyone mainly because I'm not too close to anyone. Anyway that's my story

 

[dtc]

Well there's lots of people to talk to here @Boonesfarme , so feel free to let it all out. I can't being to imagine how you must be feeling, losing anyone is hard but when it's someone that you're that close to, it must feel like half of you is gone.

It's great that you can be there for your son, he'll always need you, and we can be here for you here.

Take care

 

[nobodyknows71]

Hi there @Boonesfarme welcome to the forum.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. Losing someone is terrible, and to loose them at what is really a young age sucks big time.
Everyone grieves differently, I'm sure you've heard all the cliches. It sounds to me though, that you've put your grief on hold whilst you had to dig yourself out of that hole and to support your son. Both of which sounds like you were successful in doing.
Now comes the time for you. 20 years is a long time to be with someone, and for them not be beside you any longer was always going to be a major adjustment. I wouldn't even know where to start.
I hated it when everyone told me 'one day at a time or times a great healer' and any other cliche you can think off when my dad died. So I really try to avoid using any of them. I didn't find it helpful and I think that if that's the best you have to offer then don't bother. They always felt a bit insincere.
What I've since found is that begrudgingly I have to admit they hold some truth. I still don't say them but....
So I guess you can see where I'm going with this. You need to listen to your heart and grieve in what ever way works for you. One thing I would recommend is grief counselling. I was a complete cynic when it came to therapy, but it was the best thing I ever did. It could help you too.

Keep posting

Take care