My mess

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It's horrible. I've just left hospital after being in there for 4 months straight. I've been in and out of hospital this year and still I'm not any better. I've had suspicions of all sorts of illnesses in the past couple of years, ptsd, psycosis, depression, but no one's really come forth and done anything about it. So I'm sat here with all these horrible feelings and I've just been left.
My parents think I could be bipolar, which would explain how my symtoms shift so dramatically all the time, my moods are nightmarish, I just can't keep track of them anymore. It would also explain my occasional psycotic episodes.. I guess I just don't know anymore.
So far whatever it is, it's destroyed my life. I haven't been able to go to school, I was doing really well in sport like national level and I can't do that. I've just been wallowing for the past two years, swinging back and forth from being on top of the world - trying to get my life back on track, or lying in hospital after the latest suicide attempt, destroying all my hard work. I can't even explain why.
I have a re-assessment for hospital next week because my phychiatrist doesn't believe I should have been discharged , oh yay.:dry:
I think I'm looking for advice, what do people think I should do? Is there anything wrong? Should I be being re-asessed? I don't know anymore.
I'm really confused :sad:
Well thats my rant over, I think I'm posting it in the right place, if I'm not then sorry.



so hard to tell you what is right and wrong, but what I do know is from my own experience. and that is sucide is a cry for help... thus in your own heart examine yourself, do you still need help? (I still do and its been over a year since i was released). there is nothing wrong with stating that we need help, its harder to do what is right... i hope my thoughts in some way help

What is the point?

Death's hand shrouds me into its light
As darkness permeates my life and devours my soul
Day and night collide making this world hollow
Once again I begin my dance upon the razor's edge
Closing my mind, a new fantasy begins
Fighting to live where reality isn't real
My only goal is lost to me as I awake.
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