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My Mum

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by lelantgirl, May 5, 2013.

  1. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    It will be a year on friday (10th) that my beloved mum lost her fight with cancer and left me.
    I am not coping, coping worse now than after her death and the following months, just dont know what to do, got so much guilt and hatred towards myself and cant believe I shall never see her again (in this life).

    I just want to talk with her, she was the only person who ever truly understood me, hold her, be with her, laugh and smile, share with her.

    I am so alone.

    I dont know what to do, have 2 friends who support me, but fear they are tiring of me and have run out of suggestions how to help me.

    I cant forgive myself or accept she has gone. I still expect to see her tomorrow or the day after.............but that day never comes.

    I'm lost.
  2. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in 2010 so I have a little idea of how you may be feeling. Do you have any other family or was it just you and your mum?

    There's no easy way through this but, if it helps at all, there are others who have dealt, who are dealing, with similar emotions. ♥
  3. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks Much afraid. Mum and me were very close, I have dad but he is not good with emotions and brushes everything under carpet so have given up trying to explain/talk to him. Have other family but none of them bother with me, they are all very selfish and just dont care.
    I have many chronic and serious health problems, so life is very hard day to day anyway and mum and me got extremely close over the years when I first became ill.
    I live alone and find it a struggle but carry on best I can.
    Still have one or two friends but most of who thought were friends have disappeared, so obviously were just fair weather ones, not ones to count on.
    I fear the remaining friends I have will get fed up and leave me too, which couldn't bare.

    I'm an empty shell right now. Were you close to your mum? and how did you cope when she died?
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am also so sorry for your loss...no one can replace your mother, but I am sure she would want you to let others into your life so you can be as fulfilled as you can...if you do not have the energy now to do it yourself, try to do it in her honor...I did that when my best friend died...he is gone almost 20 yrs and i miss him everyday...but I know he would have wanted me to be happy, so I try
  5. Senada

    Senada Well-Known Member

    Stupid cancer.

    I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:
    How you cope? You just try. Try to get through the day. Try your best. And, eventually, you'll hopefully feel it getting slightly easier and easier. It's not about forgetting, but about remembering all the good things, and realizing that she would have wanted you to be ok and to live your life to the fullest.

    Light a candle for her on Friday. Talk to her. Visit her grave, or anything else that you are comfortable with and that will make you feel close to her.
  6. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    We were super close, especially after my step dad died. Talked to her every day and in the last years she lived with us. I tried to push through it for a while - went to work, in the loosest sense of the word I took care of family...did nothing for myself really. I cried every day. Quit my job and took a year to deal with settling estate.

    I think I was beginning to adjust but went back to work and the stress of the job along with poor coping sent me into severe depression. I finally agreed to talk with some one and eventually agreed to counseling but it took a long time for me to get with that concept. I also participated in a grief counseling/support group which was very helpful. I've lost loved ones all through my lifetime and never knew such a thing existed. During one conversation with a friend (who is a counselor - not mine though :/) she asked who helped me through my grief process? I stared at her for a long time and finally said "no one." She told me about the grief counseling concept then.

    So really I'm still learning to cope ~ I still think of her every day. Some days the thoughts are pleasant and leave me a little up lifted. Other days the memories are pleasant but I feel ambushed and sad and I get weepy. Those days seem to be spaced farther apart as time passes.

    It helps to remember her and to talk about her now that I'm not a complete teary mess when I say her name. ♥

    Do your friends offer to help, to do fun things and you're not ready or do they seem to not know what to say or do to help you?