My only brother chose death. What next?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by quoati, Jun 1, 2016.

  1. quoati

    quoati New Member

    Hello, I am 39 years old. I am not a native English speaker, some mistakes would be found here.
    My only brother unfortunately opted for his death, 25 days ago. He was 37 years old.
    Part of me also had died with his death. My only brother, we were together since being small kids, could talk a language only we could understand, now is gone forever, virtually killing parts of me and of our poor parents as well. Now, I feel totally partial and incomplete. I looking for this other part of me but it is unrecoverable.
    I looking for the place there people share the ways and real practices how they cope with this.
    How to effectively cope with the loss which feels like losing part of yourself? I could not make even several hours of work.
    Nobody expected his death, it was a total and unacceptable shock. We had no real clues it could be coming. The younger of the family, he had his reasons which we still do not fully understand, to chose to die the first one. I know that miracles do not exist, and nothing will make me the same person i was. I only want to get, somehow, to work. To be able to function, somehow. To find some ways and methods to make my mother cry less and my father drink less.
    Any practices, especially from those who did through it once. This would help me, not out, but not way more down for at least.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hello Quoati, I'm so sorry that your post wasn't responded to sooner. I'm incredibly sorry about your brother taking his life and the pain that you now feel. I'm sure he was in pain too and I'm sorry he saw no other way out. Your grief and that of your parents must be overwhelming. I wish I had someway to take it away, unfortunately nothing will.....time will ease it somewhat, but you'll never forget. You might benefit from seeing a grief counsellor, both you and your parents, they, at least can guide you in the right direction. A lot of family members have feelings of guilt, cause they didn't pick up on signs that they were contemplating suicide, that's a normal reaction but not true. There was nothing any of you could have done unless you'd known. Please continue to post here and share your feelings with us, it helps to get the grief out.
    Take care and be gentle with yourself.
    EternityWish likes this.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry for your loss. I agree with Brian, grief counselling might help.
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too lost my younger brother to suicide and yes it takes something inside away like a piece of you died as well. Right now the pain you are feeling is horrendous and you feel it may never end but it does I had to get therapy to help me deal with all the sadness and pain. The pain does because more tolerable it does but talking to others helps don't try to hide your pain you have a right to cry to be anger to whatever emotions come. Your brother may not of even wanted death but in the moment that moment where logic does not exist he could not see anything but a way out of whatever was causing his pain. If you can you do something that will commemorate your brother something that will keep his memory alive ok Plant a beautiful tree he would have loved or create a work of art for him He is still with you in your heart in your memory and in time you will be able to remember him without so much sadness Keep taking here ok it helps to know you are not alone
  5. I just want to say your brother would be proud big he saw this post. He would smile at the importance of his sister to him and vice versa. This hits home because I have an older sibling, sister, that I miss everyday. She hasn't passed away but her marriages was involved in cheating, which lead to her person embarrassment to disown her family. She hasn't attended family events in years and I may not ever see her again. I cry for her, I call for her when I'm angry, I ask God why my older sibling to whom I once looked up to. I hope that peace surrenders in your arms, eventually we all have to commit to the bravery you're doing. One day I'm gonna lose everyone, and that's just it the comfort of knowing another is going /gone through it. I just watched my dad lose his older brother, they were so close. When he passed I could see the childhood memories escape through my dads affixed hand fold. Stay strong, you will see him again. You will speak your language just like old times.
    Brian777 and Unknown_111 like this.
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Suicide is often unexpected. People are ashamed to seek help. It is such a difficult thing to understand. I thank you for sharing your loss here. It will help those who read it understand the horror and pain it causes for those left behind. Too many people think friends and family would be better off without them. Your story makes it plain that that is not true. Hopefully, your story will make others reconsider their plans. I hope time will lessen your grief, although it will never completely go away.
    EternityWish likes this.
  7. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    My condolences to you. Keep taking care of yourself and keep happy memories alive.
  8. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

  9. srhx

    srhx Member

    Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I lost one of my brothers to suicide last year and it's definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.

    One of the things that has helped me the most is buying a journal and writing to him. Whenever I'm sad, lonely, or just want to tell him about something that happened that day, I write to him. You will always miss him, but it does get easier with time.

    As for your parents, when you think they're ready, maybe you all could sit down and pull out old pictures of him and you all together. Reminisce on happy times. Tell funny stories about him. All of these things will help tremendously, I promise.
    SillyOldBear likes this.