More downs than ups, thats all I feel my life has come to. I wait for things to get better, only to see it gets worse, ask for help, gets even worse to the point of a breakdown. If you talk to me in person you will see nothings wrong, I'm doing great, I get home, alone, no one, I can breathe, I dont have to put on a show, I can feel. I hate people that judge, no matter what side your on, I feel theres no wins, I mean I get judged even when I dont answer to the question. I say nothing for a week, I mean nothing, people start to forget I was actually there partner at work, thats fine, thats what I wanted to see. All I can think about is when I'm going to feel worse, when will it start looking, after its looking good how long will it feel good till it comes crashing down. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole, sometimes it fill with water to the point I cant breathe, sometimes I can manage to get out for a few, only to fall back in. I tried to stop everything to to fall apart, only to find that it feel apart while it was in my hands, so its my fault, I knew this already. I tried to end it all before, only to drive myself back home, or somehow wake up feeling like only half my body would work, but I'm still here, I guess. I'm honestly not feeling myself right now, I know I'll prolly regret posting, but had to get something out.