My rant

[RESTurtles]

More downs than ups, thats all I feel my life has come to. I wait for things to get better, only to see it gets worse, ask for help, gets even worse to the point of a breakdown. If you talk to me in person you will see nothings wrong, I'm doing great, I get home, alone, no one, I can breathe, I dont have to put on a show, I can feel. I hate people that judge, no matter what side your on, I feel theres no wins, I mean I get judged even when I dont answer to the question. I say nothing for a week, I mean nothing, people start to forget I was actually there partner at work, thats fine, thats what I wanted to see. All I can think about is when I'm going to feel worse, when will it start looking, after its looking good how long will it feel good till it comes crashing down.

I feel like I'm stuck in a hole, sometimes it fill with water to the point I cant breathe, sometimes I can manage to get out for a few, only to fall back in. I tried to stop everything to to fall apart, only to find that it feel apart while it was in my hands, so its my fault, I knew this already. I tried to end it all before, only to drive myself back home, or somehow wake up feeling like only half my body would work, but I'm still here, I guess.


I'm honestly not feeling myself right now, I know I'll prolly regret posting, but had to get something out.

 

[Lifeisagift]

Hey
Gosh no, don't regret posting here, emptying your bag, maybe it will make you feel lighter, and at least it gives us a chance to understand what's wrong and help you.
I understand the feeling of being totally ignored, not existing for anyone, not even having the need to open my mouth because nobody speaks to me in the whole day.
I use much more english than my mothertongue because most of my friends are here on sf.

I'm sorry that you have this point of view on your own life. It's hard to have more downs than ups, also maybe because ups rarely happen when you wait for them, you usually have to fight to get something that will make you smile. It's worth fighting for them, little joys of life you know... It can be anything, visiting someone, going outside for a walk, a run, staring at a beautiful landscape, cooking your favourite food. Most important is that it makes you feel out of this hole you're talking about.

Don't isolate yourself, especially here, so many people are willing to hear about you.

Take care