My Situation

[tiredeyes]

I'm a fifty-seven year old man. I've been a musician for all of my life. When I met my wife I was a professional musician, a drummer.

Fifteen years ago I had a very bad experience. My wife and I had seperated and I was living alone. I began to, well, go crazy. It was a lot of mental/emotional pain, it was debilitating. I went to see a psychiatrist and he gave me Prozac and some pills to take to help me sleep.

One morning when I was completely off my rocker I took all the sleeping pills, I just couldn't take anymore of all this, whatever all this is. I ended up in a mental ward where I spent over a week. During this time I was diagnosed with a laundry list of mental disorders.

Shortly after that my wife and I got back together. And for all the time, fifteen years, everything was fine.

Now everything seems to have unraveled. I haven't worked in a couple of years. She's the breadwinner in this house, she's in the medical profession and she does very well. But I can tell that she resents me. She resents all the pills I have to take, she resents me for having bad times, she resents me for not working and having to rely on her.

This evening she was seething with anger, she told me that her life sucks.

I have nowhere to go. I have no money. And I know that my wife's life would be better, a lot better, if I wasn't around with all my pills and moods and having to rely on her for every damned thing.

You're damned right that I'm suicidal. And so there's my situation.

 

[stig]

i'm so sorry to hear that. are you skilled at anything else? is there a little job you could do to help your wife and yourself? even if it's part time.whilst you are looking for drumming work. it will allow you to help with the bills and also stop you fromm feeling so reliant on her.

 

[Sadeyes]

I am so sorry you are feeling that way...a person's worth is truly not calculated by how much money s/he can make, although in our stressed society, it does feel that way often times...what else do you bring to the relationship? I am sure your love and caring counts a lot...please bring music back into your life...without music a musician is lost, I know that first hand...and let us know how you are doing...big hugs, J

 

[total eclipse]

I am sure you help with work around the home right that counts Maybe see if there is a community group that helps with the use of music maybe do some volunteer work like this that includes music. Talk to you wife when she calms down and see what if anything you can do that will help her out some. She obviously love you and you love her maybe going to marriage councilling as well will help. Don't give up okay keep yourself busy in the community at home so your moods are not all over the place. take care Glad your here welcome okay keep venting here as that too helps