liveordie and Rosiecat :arms: Words are not enough.... I can understand a small measure of the horror, grief and utter devastation you must be going through, my son tried to kill himself when he was 10 from being bullied at school... I had no inkling he faked being happy so well. My H discovered him just in time he was unconscious and we managed to revive him. I had nightmares for months and months and remember the feeling of this huge tightness gripping your chest making it almost impossible to breathe let alone think or function.
Please know you are not alone and please please please know there was nothing you could have done and none of this is your fault ok, sometimes the brain just spirals and when they don't want you to know they are brilliant at hiding how they really feel. There are so many lovely kind people here who care, please see your Dr tell them how you feel so they can get you some support through this time. As parents we expect to die first and think about our children's future so much that it is completely understandable that you are hurting so much, please reach out irl and keep talking here and my pm is always open too if ever you need. :grouphug:
Please know you are not alone and please please please know there was nothing you could have done and none of this is your fault ok, sometimes the brain just spirals and when they don't want you to know they are brilliant at hiding how they really feel. There are so many lovely kind people here who care, please see your Dr tell them how you feel so they can get you some support through this time. As parents we expect to die first and think about our children's future so much that it is completely understandable that you are hurting so much, please reach out irl and keep talking here and my pm is always open too if ever you need. :grouphug: