Matt was the love of my life. We met and fell in love instantly and spent everyday together for 4 years. We had an argument... it was just a fight, everyone has fights once in a while... I still can't believe he killed himself. Hanged himself in a poolhouse. He was a beautiful person all around. As a talented musician he spent most of his life playing the drums for a well known Dallas rock band. When he wasn't doing that he was laughing. Always happy, tall and handsome with his sandy brown hair and these blueish green eyes that melted me. He was extremely intelligent, charismatic and charming. He loved me more passionately than I ever thought possible, and I've never met a person as kind as him in my entire life. A lover of animals and science. An amazing lover. God, I never knew I could love someone as much as I loved him.. He was incredible. He was one of a kind and I am still completely devastated that he is gone. It's been 6 years since he died and I don't think i'll ever be ok. I just turned 30 and I'm single and sad.. I am starting to freak out thinking I've wasted so much time missing someone I'll never see again, it's consuming my entire life. After several failed relationships I am positive I will never love like that again..I am currently living at a friends house, working a subpar job that I don't like.. I never finished college and I am scared that I'll never get married and never have kids, never have a normal life.. I often think that I'd just be better off dead too. Whats the point of life if you don't have that kind of love?