My soulmate.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by dallash, Dec 8, 2013.

  1. dallash

    dallash New Member

    Matt was the love of my life. We met and fell in love instantly and spent everyday together for 4 years. We had an argument... it was just a fight, everyone has fights once in a while... I still can't believe he killed himself. Hanged himself in a poolhouse. He was a beautiful person all around. As a talented musician he spent most of his life playing the drums for a well known Dallas rock band. When he wasn't doing that he was laughing. Always happy, tall and handsome with his sandy brown hair and these blueish green eyes that melted me. He was extremely intelligent, charismatic and charming. He loved me more passionately than I ever thought possible, and I've never met a person as kind as him in my entire life. A lover of animals and science. An amazing lover. God, I never knew I could love someone as much as I loved him.. He was incredible. He was one of a kind and I am still completely devastated that he is gone. It's been 6 years since he died and I don't think i'll ever be ok. I just turned 30 and I'm single and sad.. I am starting to freak out thinking I've wasted so much time missing someone I'll never see again, it's consuming my entire life. After several failed relationships I am positive I will never love like that again..I am currently living at a friends house, working a subpar job that I don't like.. I never finished college and I am scared that I'll never get married and never have kids, never have a normal life.. I often think that I'd just be better off dead too. Whats the point of life if you don't have that kind of love?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you gotten some therapy to help you grieve and to help you move on now. You may not find the same love but you may find someone that loves you totallydifferent and that will bring you a life full of joy too get some help ok hugs
  3. dallash

    dallash New Member

    Yes, I have tried counseling. Psychologists just want to give you drugs, and I cannot afford the therapy. I'm religious but not Christian and so I find it hard to seek any sort of guidance in that department. Especially when they all seem to think he's committed a sin and is "burning in hell" as one woman put it. I just miss him... I miss being loved like that. And now I just feel like I'm too damaged too make anyone happy.