Jan. 8 th was the 2 year anniversary of the day my world forever changed. My husband of 12+ years had began smoking a year prior.... He promised our 4 year old his New Years resolution would be to stop. He began a medication to help cease the smoking. We just had a weekly family cookout, I was getting out clothes to wear to church the next morning.... then the man I love and had loved for 14 years snapped. Idk why or how but he did. My sweet Mother had passed suddenly 5 months prior after a 4 week bout with lung cancer.... so I was still so very sad I didn't notice the medicine was effecting him. He lost it cursed screamed acted like a mad man and he had NEVER did such. Our babies were afraid it was all so fast. He went outside to sleep in his truck but it was cold. I calmed the lil ones and went out to have him come in. I was so confused and it was going so slow yet fast at the same time. As I walked up to his truck he sat in the driver seat. I held his hand and said please sleep on the couch we will talk tomorrow I was confused. He had crashed he wasn't mad he was so remorseful for what he had said and did. I was explaining it wld be ok. I didn't know he had <mod edit- methods>. How could he leave me? I had just lost my Mother.... He was my heart. How other than for my children can I go on? I am a shell of who I was. I wish this pain on no one. Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you.