It feels as though my time is coming up soon. My insomnia is getting worse and worse. Joint pains. I literally stay awake for 24 hours every second day. It soon going to cost me my part time job which I need because the pension is barely enough. My fiancee is in brazil and I've only seen her for 6 weeks back in Feb this year . We have a date set for May 8 next year to get married here in Sydney, we applied for her visa a few months ago . We're both the same. That's why we clicked immediately. We both come from broken families , suffer depression and anxiety , have similar philosophical views. I cant ctb without ever seeing her again. Im thinking of going to brazil soon in order to end it there. She knows my plans and told me she's sad but accepts whatever decision I make. My plan is to spend my last days with her in brazil then peacefully fall asleep . My stress and depression is at a all new time high. I can feel I'm giving up internally , I'm having heart palpitations hot flushes in bed every night. My brain is just totally fried! I even tried new drugs like mirtazapine. It didnt help me at all. 3 different doctors told me they cant do much except refer me to a psychologist. I tried seeing a psychologist for once a month for a year a while back and it did absolutely nothing! Maybe some people are beyond help.
Its almost time . I never actually thought id make it to 40 let alone 44. I think its a good age to die .
Its almost time . I never actually thought id make it to 40 let alone 44. I think its a good age to die .
