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need help

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by KingJust1, Dec 15, 2014.

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  1. KingJust1

    KingJust1 New Member

    Hello everyone. Not really sure what to say. I have been very depressed over the past fee years due to some of my own arrogance, medical problems and a very lot of bad luck combined.

    My depression is getting worse and I dont know how to turn things around.

    I have struggled with depression in my past but learned to overcome it and kick its but big time. Unfortunately nothing in my past has prepared me forbwhqt I am dealing with now. I thought I new what it was like to be depressed but nothing compares to how I feel now.

    Thebworst part is the guilt that I will have to live woth the fact I ruined my own life for the rest of my life. I destroyed everything i worked for and loved and i no longer have a way to support myself. I guess i m depressed because I don't see how my future can play out as a success or at all for that matter.

    The longer I feel like this the more alone I become. Which is understandable.

    Ive tried to get help. I tried medication and counseling. I left the counselor spewchless and with no reasonable advice except what everyone tells me which is to try and not think about it. That's funny. Don't think a out life to get through life.

    Anyway. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be depressed and I don't want to live like this. But I have no way out. I have been trying to pick myself up for a long time now and I just need to talk with people. Something I never get to do. Seems like everyone avoids me because they just want to talk about all the awesome stuff going on in their lives like I used to have.

    I don't want to do anything drastic but I don't know what to do. I feel like everyone hates me now and no one really wants to help me with my problems. Feels like every professional I talk to just wants my money. Medical and mental drs that is.

    Now that I don't have money or insurance I can't even get help if I wanted it and I am not going into some state bs clinic for help. So a 23 year old intern can tell me what I need to do and its all in my head. Been there and done that many years ago

    I also have no where to live as of the end of the month. My 401k is gone and so is my savings. I guess I am getting what I deserve I just wish it didn't have to last forever
  2. Anxiousgirl1

    Anxiousgirl1 New Member

    Patience, perseverance and positivity will guide you into the correct direction for your path to comfort. Positive affirmations daily, writing, crying, music, walking or finding your own way to meditate. All these things are so helpful. I have struggled with a severe anxiety disorder for quite a while and it took a drastic life
    Crisis to realize that I was suffering. I take it day by day and try to stay as positive as I can. Remind yourself on a daily basis that if you weren't here everyone around you would be impacted in one way or another. You have a purpose. And it's not for negativity and suffering. Use some of your energy to notice things people don't notice. Find little
    Things you enjoy. And take one step at a time to solve each problem your faced with. Everything happens for a reason. If all good things come
    To an end then the good news is all bad things come to an end too. Find positive things in every situation no matter what your going through. Someone out there is taking their last breath.
  3. KingJust1

    KingJust1 New Member

    I literally have lost the ability to have a positive thought or project any sort of happy future for me.

    I know life will go on and I will survive. I just can't accept that I ruined my career and way to support myself. I just don't know what I am going to do. I am a very ambitious person and to be limited like I am is causing me major anxiety and depression. I am normally a person of action and this is killing me inside to just sit back and watch everything fall apart.

    I have worked so hard to get ahead in life and I have literally lost it all. Its so hard to see a positive outcome for me now. I have made some mistakes in my life that it was amazing to overcome but now everything fromvmy psst is causing my future to be severely effected. There is no changing this and it what I consider a tradgedy of an outcome considering everything I have overcome in the past. The tools I used to overcome all these things are now gone and I am lost. . I feel like I am mourning my own life everyday. This is horrible. I haven't been happy in so long I don't even know how anymore. I used to always be happy and smile. People used to like me at work and I had friends. I just hate myself for doing this to me. It's all my own fault.
  4. KingJust1

    KingJust1 New Member

    I guess I need to know how to stop hating myself. I didn't always feel that way. Its just I've made some mistakes in my life and I have screwed myself very badly. I have lost my job. Career. Gf. I lost my professional licenses for insurance adjusting. I have had two major orthopedic surgeries. One on my neck and another on my shoulder. I'm still recovering and my doctor just cleared me for work and says pain isnt a reason not to work. which I am not in agreement with. Still in a lot of pain. My fmla expired amd job let me go. All the medical problems drained my 401k and savings even tho I had insurance. I have no idea how I will pay rent next month I have a ton of stuff I can't move and no where to put it. Im worried about my credit. Im freaking out aboit it all. I'm just lost and most of its my fault. I used to lift weights religiously and my hobbies were mountain biking. Skiing. Atving. Running. Hiking. Havent been able to do any of those since 2012. I lost 40 lbs of muscle. Plus i live alone. I never see other human being to socialize. I used to be so social, charismatic and outgoing. I almost resent other people now. I think i really hate myself and its scary. This all just sucks. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

    To make things worse I got a DWI in 2012 and will never drive again due to law passed after I got in trouble. Its my own fault but it sucks to lose license forever.

    I've never felt so helpless and its really all my own fault. Its just horrible.
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