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Needing a Change

Discussion in 'Mid Life and Getting Older' started by Monaca, Jul 31, 2017.

  1. Monaca

    Monaca Member

    I am, and always have been, the one who takes care of others.
    I have spent most of my 50 years cooking and cleaning and washing and bandaging and fixing and doing for others (human and animal) and I am tired.

    I feel I have sacrificed Me for the sake of everyone else.

    I desperately want to get out and see things, go places, take care of Me for a change... If only for a little while.

    It is going to take work. It is going to be 'scary.' It is going to make others have to deal with some change.

    But I need to do this for me- to make me whole again.
    Kiwi2016, Claudia UK and PhoenixLady like this.
  2. Claudia UK

    Claudia UK Well-Known Member

    I know to well how you feel Monaca. I am in my 50`s and only now I can finally enjoy myself . Like you I worked my backside off for others and suddenly I felt tired....so tired. You making the right step now and if somebody asks you if you having a mid-life crisis punch him or give him a piece of your mind. :):):p!
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that you are going through this

    I think it's ok to have some time for yourself. Maybe therapy would help you to stand up for yourself more
  4. Monaca

    Monaca Member

    Well, I am finally going to try to do it.
    Have the time off work approved, and getting things together for a road trip.
    Still need to do So much.. lol
    But I have a 2500 mile adventure planned
    ravens likes this.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Wow, 2500 miles, that's a big trip! Congratulations!
  6. Monaca

    Monaca Member

    yeah well.. it is only about 1200 each way.. lol
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I guess if you were flying, it wouldn't be that far, but that's a lot of driving
  8. aKindHeart

    aKindHeart Member

    Happy (safe) travels! Happy adventure.
    You deserve it. Consider it as a kick-off of your new awareness & self-care program.

    I know what you mean about always giving in relationships. For decades, it wore me out and left me confused. I finally awoke, and after some years, I am still understanding about setting and keeping boundaries for my sake. It's a work in progress.

    In '97, I went on 13k mile roundabout trip around the US in ~14 weeks....but that's another story. Hope to hear about your adventure.

    Be safe and enjoy!
  9. Kiwi2016

    Kiwi2016 Forum Pro

    I too am in my 50s and struggling with boundries and doing things for myself...What a wonderful way to start a new chapter of your life...Wishing you a safe travels sure that it will be a wonderful adventure...sending you hugs
  10. Kiwi2016

    Kiwi2016 Forum Pro

    This popped up in my email today and thought of you...

    And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings. Meister Eckhart
  11. Monaca

    Monaca Member

    DID IT!
    Went on the trip


    sunset the first night in the camp...
    OMG what a life changing experience
  12. Kiwi2016

    Kiwi2016 Forum Pro

    Good for you!!!!! The picture is beautiful...you'll have to share more of your trip :)
  13. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Yay! Congratulations!

    Would you like to tell us more about your trip?
  14. Monaca

    Monaca Member

    About a year and a half ago.. life came to a head. Stress, marriage, responsibilities, advancing age, health (mental and physical) all came together and threw me into an epic downward spiral. I nearly made permanent decision, but- chose to try one more time. Got a little mental and emotional support from a few people, and slowly pulled myself out of the abyss. It has been hard work trying to put my head back together. Reclaiming and remaking myself anew. Setting new goals and turning dreams into plans.
    I had always wanted to forge out, by myself, into the great unknown.
    --but always lacked the courage--
    Then, back in April, I bought an older van. 1987 dodge. Well kept, but older.

    Months of work on the mechanics and interior, and I had created most of a 'livable' conveyance.
    Learning from a group of folks that camp or live in their vehicles.. I was invited to go to one of their little get-togethers. The catch is, it was 1200 miles away.
    So I again, turned dreams into plans.. and asked for time off, and packed up some stuff, got the van ready-ish, and.. off I went.
    Into the great unknown.
    Just me and the dogs.
    In an old van.
    No idea what we would find out there .... what would happen...

    Got a late start the first day on the road.. but made good time after we got going.
    Found a lovely place, a little ways into California- Only got about 300 miles the first day.. but I needed to stop.
    Sleep was challenging, that far from "home" but I knew it was about as safe as I would find on the road.. and so the dogs and I settled in and got what rest we could.

    Awake early, before dawn, made coffee, had a snack, and hit the road.
    Wanted to get over the Grapevine before dark. Old van -vs- long incline... didn't want to be on the side of the road in the middle of the night..
    Driving through California, seeing the fresh sights and just watching the miles roll away.. I began to relax into the trip. The dogs seemed, for the most part, to enjoy the ride. We developed a rhythm.
    Got to what I Thought was the top of the vine.. and found a nice truck stop. Don't knock 'em. Truck stops are actually really well maintained. Comfortable. With all the amenities you could want.

    Again, up before dawn.. coffee, dogs outted, etc, and back on the road. MIaCrestingGrapevine.JPG
    Last leg of the trip down...
    Drove through LA - well, skirted LA on the bypass.. in the early weekend morning.. traffic wasn't too bad.
    Got almost to San Bernadino and found a nice place to stop and stretch and have breakfast.
    Then onto the last freeway change... we were mere hours from our destination now..
    Out into the desert we went.. Totally different than home. Feeling a good balance of fear and excitement.
    The miles wound away behind us...
    Then, almost too soon to be believed.. we were there...

    Got directions to 'camp' - which was about 4-5 miles outside of the actual town.. out in the raw desert.

    Settled in to our new, temporary, life. No utilities, no 'civilized' amenities. But I had planned for this. We had water in containers, power from the sun, a chair, a bed, a camp stove.. all we needed.. And a new group of friends that we, over several days, got to know. They accepted us for just who we were. My dogs made friends with the other camp dogs/cats.. I learned many things from these road-seasoned folks. Listened to many amazing stories, and told a few of my own.

    I suddenly had a new tribe.
    We enjoyed the vastness and quiet of the desert. The 'different from home.' I enjoyed the space to think, to relax.
    So many little experiences that are beyond price and measure- There is nothing like sipping coffee in the pre-dawn, snuggled in blankets on your bed..with the dogs.. listening to the coyotes singing out in the desert...

    This experience has changed my life- I am born again.
    may71, Charlieb10088 and gazjustgaz like this.
  15. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Wow! Awesome trip and gorgeous pictures! :)
    Monaca likes this.