Why do I feel like everything is always going to go wrong. I keep falling into the trap of thinking that I'm now a stable and secure person, but that's only when there's nothing to MAKE me feel insecure...
I used to have really bad abandonment issues... I fell into thinking that it was either now under control now that I'm stable on meds, or that the feelings were coming from one of my alters, but apparently neither are true. Every time a girl comes even close to being in my partners life, alarm bells ring, I freak out, think he's gonna fall for her, think he's going to leave me. Even if the girl is fatter, uglier, or more boring than me. Why? Why would I feel like that if I was stable and secure in myself? I wouldn't... My partner apparently thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, why can I not just accept that and trust that he won't think some other girl in his life is better? I just can't do it. The best I can do is just to pretend like everything's okay when inside I feel like everything's falling apart.
I'm such an idiot.
Kaz x
I used to have really bad abandonment issues... I fell into thinking that it was either now under control now that I'm stable on meds, or that the feelings were coming from one of my alters, but apparently neither are true. Every time a girl comes even close to being in my partners life, alarm bells ring, I freak out, think he's gonna fall for her, think he's going to leave me. Even if the girl is fatter, uglier, or more boring than me. Why? Why would I feel like that if I was stable and secure in myself? I wouldn't... My partner apparently thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, why can I not just accept that and trust that he won't think some other girl in his life is better? I just can't do it. The best I can do is just to pretend like everything's okay when inside I feel like everything's falling apart.
I'm such an idiot.
Kaz x
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