Never imagined....

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Auerbach, Jun 11, 2014.

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  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I once was great. Used to be. I was strong, funny, confident, handsome, intelligent, focused, secure, fearless o god do I miss that one, not being afraid of anything or anyone; I loved and was loved, I appreciated the earth, my perception was so different both of myself and of the world.This was not even a year ago when i felt like this. I miss you, I miss it. I never thought it would end so fast…and so drastically. I don’t even recognize this man. It is unreal.

    What to do now? what to do. I am trying everything, but to no avail. I can’t get back on my feet. I’ve been hit hard before, I was a boxer, those punches to the gut, to the head, yeah they hurt, but they were good hits, learning hits that made me stronger and I did not mind them. But this “psychological punch” it has knocked me the fuck out and I can’t get back on my feet; I have never been hit so hard, felt such a blow, such pain like I do now. And it doesn’t end, it keeps going every single day, no end in sight, no hope, no help, no break, no relief.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2014
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You get support ok to help you get back up again I know what it is like to get knock down and it seems with each knock down it does get harder to get up again One needs help ok you call you doc you get support from community from a therapist someone who will help you ok Even the best fighters need someone in the background helping them
    Hope you have the support if not get it ok you deserve to be helped hugs
     
  3. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks eclipse. I am actually seeing a therapist and a doctor and finally decided to start medication about two weeks ago, nothing helps, not the therapist, not the doctor, and not the med, nothing, which is why i am even more desperate and hopeless. I thought these things would help since I have been feeling so bad these past several months.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    OH hun meds take at least 6 weeks to build up ok so don't give up they need time to build up and level out I found the meds did help to take the deep sadness away not all of it and the meds help to give me energy Give it a little more time ok they will kick in
     
  5. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks Eclipse.
     
  6. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Aside from everything, therapy, doctor, meds, people, I fear I will never be the same again, that I won't ever get back on my feet and that this will last a very long time or never end....
     
  7. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Mental illness at it's finest.
     
  8. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    I definitely think you can get back on your feet and be even better than you were before. Patience is the key to a healthy recover, but I know that when you're going through a lot mentally and emotionally, patience is the last thing on your mind - and I definitely understand that. Give it time, though, and hopefully you'll start seeing some positive results from your meds or doctor visits.
     
  9. islandification

    islandification Well-Known Member

    Never boxed, but I doubt the punches you took to the head made you any stronger. You proved your strength by taking them, but at a high cost. Many mental and physical problems, including depression, changes in personality, and problems with planning or problem-solving, seem epidemic among boxers and football players. These problems may occur years after the injury, so the connection isn't always evident.
     
  10. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I only did it as a hobby and when sparring I always used headgear. Here in the US you only box without headgear when you reach the pros, even the amateurs box with headgear on. And I did not fight at the amateur level, I only did it as a hobby for a few years. My point was that any pain from a punch I felt from boxing is nothing compared to the pain and "blows" i feel from depression and anxiety. Boxing is definitely not the cause of my depression.
     
  11. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Depression is a special form of hell. I have stuff going on in my life but nothing I couldn't handle if I didn't feel so bad. Like you I was (or maybe I was deluded) confident, strong, ambitious, interested in everything and optimistic. Now I feel like a dead woman walking. I can still keep the act up thanks to the drugs but the idea of carrying on like this fills me with horror. Unless you suffer from depression people have no idea. I'm not exaggerating when I call it hell. But I know that you know that. Thing is we aren't alone and that has to count for something??
     
  12. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Give yourself time Auerbach for the meds to start working and try and trust them a little to sort out anything physical going on in the brain. The other thing to do would be to start telling yourself that (and this may sound very strange and/or simplistic at first) "depression is made up of thoughts" (1) and "I can isolate these thoughts so they do not have the power to depress" (2) and "I can start to think about this issue/these issues differently, and this is the perfect opportunity to learn how" (3) - and then find a copy of "Telling Yourself the Truth" by William Bachus and Marie Campian - which explains all this better than I can do in this box :) Blessings and strength, urP
     
  13. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing. I hope you feel better and that something pulls you out of this and you are back on your feet.
     
  14. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the insight. Ever since I started to feel bad again my perception about everything has been screwed up and dampy, I can't seem to just snap out of it or change my thoughts and feelings at will, i wish I could but I haven't been able to, doesn't mean that I will stop trying though. I just feel this is all my fault, everything, my depression, my anxiety, the fact that the medication is getting complicated now, it is all my fault.
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I don't know you obviously but I do think you are suffering major depression and as KBE said it is a special form of hell, that is for certain, I have nothing to add to what's already been said but wanted you to know I read your post and I do care, I hope you can pull away from this somehow and live the life you used to, best of luck x
     
  16. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks music, i really appreciate this.
     
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