I once was great. Used to be. I was strong, funny, confident, handsome, intelligent, focused, secure, fearless o god do I miss that one, not being afraid of anything or anyone; I loved and was loved, I appreciated the earth, my perception was so different both of myself and of the world.This was not even a year ago when i felt like this. I miss you, I miss it. I never thought it would end so fast…and so drastically. I don’t even recognize this man. It is unreal. What to do now? what to do. I am trying everything, but to no avail. I can’t get back on my feet. I’ve been hit hard before, I was a boxer, those punches to the gut, to the head, yeah they hurt, but they were good hits, learning hits that made me stronger and I did not mind them. But this “psychological punch” it has knocked me the fuck out and I can’t get back on my feet; I have never been hit so hard, felt such a blow, such pain like I do now. And it doesn’t end, it keeps going every single day, no end in sight, no hope, no help, no break, no relief.