I find it kind of ironic that there's these forums to break up our lives into moments in time, because I have always felt like an adult, even when a child, my childhood was lost early on and reality of troubles facing us was apparent. But there is a need for this forum, because I also lost my adult youth due to illness. I didn't get to experience things that most get to experience when they're entering adulthood, well except for the bad and for extreme responsibility. Medical issues. Medical debt. Loneliness. Depression. It was supposed to be a new chapter of my life, one where I thrived because I never felt I belonged in categories of adolescence etc, but life made sure I still felt out of place by hindering my strengths. Unhinging my mind. Leaving me feeling worthless. Through all of this, though I still feel incredibly unsure of myself and I don't get to experience the fun side of being a young adult (Is there one??), I have triumphed in university, juggled jobs, and relationships all through incredible pain. No one really knows how hard it is to maintain relationships, to function everyday like everyone else, when pain latches onto you, like a heavy weight. No one knows and yet maybe that is because I don't speak up. I guess I just wanted to say it is hard to find my place in the world, which I think a lot of people in this stage struggle with. I was a very confident teenager, and now I am a very uncertain human being. I don't know that I fit into this world anymore. I don't think there is a place for me, even while I jump through the hoops of being a student, a worker, a lover, a relative. It all seems incredibly futile when my life feels like a joke. Why am I even "starting out" in life? I no longer want it. I no longer know it. I no longer know me.