Thanks. I'm thinking of switching jobs. I'm remembering what a prick my old boss was, he's a rich kid which some pretty horrible views on people, and it's hard to pretend not to find almost everything he says reprehensible. And he's so cheap about staff wages you generally have to do so much more than you do in any other chefing job I've worked. It's physically and mentally exhausting. I've only been back a month and I've already gotten pissed off a few times, so I'm thinking summer's just going to be way worse. I'm worried also because I'm hopefully getting a house next March - with a lot of help from my dad, or so he's promised. But I've not even had a contract yet. And my boss has pretty consistently forced out tons of staff he doesn't like, by dropping their hours to nothing so they quit on their own, so that's always going to be in the back of my head. My mortgage advisor has told me that they won't sign the papers more than 6 months before the house is built, which makes it September at the very earliest, and also that a lot of mortgage companies need you to have been in the same job for 6 months, for security, so doing the maths I feel like it might be worth the risk switching now, having payslips for May-October. I think all this is what's causing me anxiety, it just feels like a lot of pressure to stick out a job I might end up absolutely loathing (again) and the paranoia of my hours getting dropped at any time, which would mean I'd lose my house. The house market has also gone absolutely bonkers in the UK and I'll probably never find a new build - or any house for that matter - at this price ever again. Meaning I'd probably never afford my own place, and the idea of more years in my mum's tiny place is too much to bear. It's a bit suffocating. I sometimes feel it's just inevitable that the whole thing is going to fall apart - I don't even have the deposit all together yet, let alone solicitor fees or the difference in what I can borrow (there was about a 40k gap based on what I earned in my last job, and I did a lot of hours). My dad says he'll make up the difference, but I feel like he might change his mind at any time - he's been pretty verbally and emotionally abusive since I was very very young, or indifferent at best, and we've barely spoken for many years - maybe five times a year at the minute, and he lives on the same street. Anyway, I feel a bit trapped I think. Ideally I want out of chefing but it's all hospitality jobs in my area - I spent 2/3 weeks after I left my last job applying for anything but, and I was underqualified for all of it. Think I might apply for other jobs tomorrow. Or give it until the end of the month to see if I enjoy it any more, we'll see. I think I'm also scared that if I do get the house, it means I'm stuck in a country I kind of hate forever. Maybe I'll be miserable either way because my brain's wired wrong and that'll just never change, who knows.
Well, that was horribly self-indulgent, and can't imagine anyone made it this far, but I really needed to get it out, so thanks X.
Xx
