Empathy Only New to here and just want to die

[hopelost]

I don't want any resources or lines to call. I called them and I get nothing out of it. It feels more of a shoo you out the door.

I think about killing myself many times. Thought of ways to do it. Tried to do it a couple of days ago. Wish there was something quick and painless (I seen the post already).
I'm tired I wish someone would just tell me its ok to kill yourself and give me permission, that might ease the need to do it.

ex friend told me she doesn't want to be friends any more because of something I said about morality. And it offended her daughter. So ex friend said I'm taking my daughters side because family is first. She has offended me lots of times of the things that came out of her mouth. I forgave her. That is who I am. I forgive more than I probably should. I feel I can't have an opinion but others can have one and I can't even voice my opinion about not being able to have my opinion but by god everyone else can except me!!!! In a text she said don't text me. what does she do a day later? text me back. Now she wants to speak together today for nothing else but to clear the air before walking away. I take that to mean as she wants to clear the air and say what she wants to say to me but I don't get to say jack shit!

BTW this is the 3rd time she told me she she no longer wants to be friends. I believe I am done with this yoyo, but it is so damn hard 15 damn years and she is tossing our friendship aside. The thing she said that I almost broke our friendship over was she said, "Why don't you have your G&d suck your C#@K. That really offended me but as always I forgave.

 

[hopelost]

BTW I do suffer from depression and I am on meds

 

[1964dodge]

welcome to SF we are a peer community that cares but never judges. please look at the different forums and post when you feel comfortable, we also have a chat section if you prefer real time. suicide is never the answer. i hope you feel better soon...mike...

 

[hopelost]

I hate when people say suicide is never the answer. Why? Why isn't it the answer?

 

[Lara_C]

It's the biggest leap of faith we could ever make, and being a leap in the dark, it could, for all we know from our present perspective, turn out to be the biggest mistake we ever made as well. I know the pain feels too much to bear, and all you want is permanent relief, but you can't possibly know for sure that suicide will give you that. Besides, there are other ways to deal with the pain, but you need to keep going to find them.

 

[davidcan]

Hopelost i have the same question Most people will never tell you that suicide is the answer

 

[Lara_C]

Most people will never tell you that suicide is the answer

How can they if they're honest?

 

[sinking_ship]

I’m sorry that happened with your friend. That’s really lousy of her and you don’t deserve that.

 

[davidcan]

If i end my life it want hurt anyone. but it could for some people and many peole have ended their lives. Why is instinctual and so diffucult to kill yourself

 

[Lara_C]

I think every suicide diminishes us all as a society/community and I hurt for every suicide I hear about , for their pain and fear, even though I did not know the person.

I think it's so hard to complete the act because death is the great unknown and we can't be sure what awaits.

 

[Waves]

Hi

I am irreparably damaged and want to die. But too scared to try atm. I was victimized and I know I should not play the victim role, but the health damage is irreversible. So yes I blame the perpetrator and I am helpless now. I get medication and it causes side side effects so discontinued them. So frustrating. We all want to live but not in pain. So we all want to end the pain.

 

[justrob]

@hopelost you sounds like a caring person who supports others and don't get support in return. You also sound like you need a break from your friend. I'm sorry this is causing so much pain.

Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to continue trusting them to be your friend. There seems to be a pattern here and it's wearing on you.

You will discover people on SF not only care about you, but understand what it is like to be in so much pain you want to end it with suicide. I hope you continue to write what you are going through. Writing about it and helping others here may give you some relief. You can definitely make friends here and there is always someone available.

 

[1964dodge]

for those who question why suicide is not the answer there is no true answer . but there are some facts to consider. most of the people on this site were serious about committing suicide including me. and most of us are grateful that we found SF and decided to live. so that means there is a very good possibility that you are going to be glad that you decided to live.

another fact is you can never have another happy moment if you die. you could also fail in the attempt and be much worse off. and we don't know what happens after death. is it nothingness? is it hell because we died by suicide? it could be anything. and it will hurt every person you have touched in your life.

most people don't want to die they want the suffering to end. what most people do is do everything in their power to remove or lessen their pain, then accept what they can't help. it's also important to look for positive things in your life no matter how small. SF will be there for you..mike...

 

[Champagne]

Hi there, to be honest when I just read your post what popped into my mind is SHE sounds unstable. How dare she say things like that to you??? She needs to cool down and wash out her mouth. You can have an opinion and tell her your opinion but to be honest I'm very much like you, I follow the crowd, I'm not a leader, well I sorta used to be like that but I have come out of my shell a bit and say what I want to say because I am entitled to have an opinion just as X person is and so are YOU. Try and find new friends, try and stand up for yourself and when enough is enough, you are entitled to say so. Self confidence classes or therapy will help you with that so stick with it. Get onto a therapist right away.

Suicide is never the answer, there is no such thing as a painless suicide, it will always hurt someone AND whilst you are alive and kicking, there is always the chance of life improving for you and one day you will wake up and smile for being alive if you put the effort in. Life is for living. Welcome to SF, its lovely to meet you. We are all here in this together to stay alive, improve our lives and love living even if we do have bad days too. Hold on tight, ok? It might be a rocky road but the effort will be worth it in the end when you get your mind to a safer, happier place.

 

[hopelost]

Hi there, to be honest when I just read your post what popped into my mind is SHE sounds unstable. How dare she say things like that to you??? She needs to cool down and wash out her mouth. You can have an opinion and tell her your opinion but to be honest I'm very much like you, I follow the crowd, I'm not a leader, well I sorta used to be like that but I have come out of my shell a bit and say what I want to say because I am entitled to have an opinion just as X person is and so are YOU. Try and find new friends, try and stand up for yourself and when enough is enough, you are entitled to say so. Self confidence classes or therapy will help you with that so stick with it. Get onto a therapist right away.

Suicide is never the answer, there is no such thing as a painless suicide, it will always hurt someone AND whilst you are alive and kicking, there is always the chance of life improving for you and one day you will wake up and smile for being alive if you put the effort in. Life is for living. Welcome to SF, its lovely to meet you. We are all here in this together to stay alive, improve our lives and love living even if we do have bad days too. Hold on tight, ok? It might be a rocky road but the effort will be worth it in the end when you get your mind to a safer, happier place.

I do have a therapist. When I talk about painless suicide I talk about painless on my side. I really really hate the phrase suicide is never the answer. You still reached out to me Champagne and everyone here. I am not sure if she does cool down and want to be friends again if I will even be friends with her. This is her 3rd time and that means 3 strikes, but there is one off the wall girl that gave me 3 strikes and never told me about the first 2. Soo i might give her another chance maybe don't know we shall see.

 

[Champagne]

OK, I get what you are saying but I will respectfully disagree that suicide is not the answer and believe me I have been suicidal in the past where I was thinking like you are now.

What kind of therapy are you doing? How long have you been going? Feel free to tell us more.