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Empathy Only No cure for the way I was raised

#1
As a teenager, I didn’t see any future for myself. I had no goals or interests of my own. I was stressed by the constant fighting between my parents and I was harmed by my mother’s intent to relive her life through me, and the emotional abuse when I failed her.

Now, every few months I fall into a new bout of depression.

I still have no goals of my own.

I don’t feel like I have agency. I don’t even want it when I think of trying to change my situation.

I just want to retreat into myself and be cared for. Or end myself, but I’m too afraid to try.

I wasn’t raised to be an independent adult. I wasn’t raised to have my own goals. My attempts to change myself have failed. I don’t wish to continue trying. I want to die. I want respite from my pain.

I wish I weren’t a coward.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
i'm sorry that you weren't nurtured properly when being raised. but i can tell you for a fact that you can change for the better. my wife was raised poorly and she changed into a loving wife and mother. she changed and with some encouragement soared higher than i thought possible. you may need a little help overcoming your upbringng. possibly a therapist can help you redirect your life so you can soar as well. i wish you the best.

mike....*hug*shake
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Don't fear mistakes. There are none." Miles Davis
#3
As a teenager, I didn’t see any future for myself. I had no goals or interests of my own. I was stressed by the constant fighting between my parents and I was harmed by my mother’s intent to relive her life through me, and the emotional abuse when I failed her.

Now, every few months I fall into a new bout of depression.

I still have no goals of my own.

I don’t feel like I have agency. I don’t even want it when I think of trying to change my situation.

I just want to retreat into myself and be cared for. Or end myself, but I’m too afraid to try.

I wasn’t raised to be an independent adult. I wasn’t raised to have my own goals. My attempts to change myself have failed. I don’t wish to continue trying. I want to die. I want respite from my pain.

I wish I weren’t a coward.

I hear you (((((hug)))). I was raised by an abusive mother and and absentee father. It took years of weekly therapy to help undo the damage. Please seek professional help. Also maybe some kind of vocational counseling to see what might interest you for a career or hobby.

*hug
Lauryn
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#4
As a teenager, I didn’t see any future for myself. I had no goals or interests of my own. I was stressed by the constant fighting between my parents and I was harmed by my mother’s intent to relive her life through me, and the emotional abuse when I failed her.

Now, every few months I fall into a new bout of depression.

I still have no goals of my own.

I don’t feel like I have agency. I don’t even want it when I think of trying to change my situation.

I just want to retreat into myself and be cared for. Or end myself, but I’m too afraid to try.

I wasn’t raised to be an independent adult. I wasn’t raised to have my own goals. My attempts to change myself have failed. I don’t wish to continue trying. I want to die. I want respite from my pain.

I wish I weren’t a coward.
I think you are worthy and have had a difficult upbringing. It's not fair what life throws at us. And, depression is truly a monster. I hope you can find even just a moment of peace. If you ever want to talk my inbox always open, even for just small talk.
 

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