No family

[foreverforgotten]

I miss my mom and dad. I feel like there is nothing left of life for me anymore.. because I miss my parents so much. And there is no other family left.

I spread moms ashes in the woods, at a certain spot where my parents got married. My dad is spread there too. We used to camp all the time there. At that one spot. Moms ashes got spread 2 weeks ago.

And I'm all alone. there is no such thing as unconditional love now. And the world doesn't care about someone freaking weird like me. There's no one to laugh with, or who shares our sense of humor. And that was a big part of who we were.
Sense of humor is gone. I can't laugh anymore with anyone. I can't connect with anyone in the world.

I miss them so much everyday. And part of me maybe feels like I deserve this pain. Because of all the times I took them for granted, by never thinking one day (soon) they'd be gone... It wasn't a lot. but there is so much guilt now. And shame on me.

I should've spent more time doing fun things with them! But I got so wrapped up in the care giving. In the end, all that caregiving stuff meant nothing!! I should've focused more on other things. The guilt kills me.. It hurts so much.

 

[may71]

And there is no other family left.

I know it's not the same, but you've got us at least.

And part of me maybe feels like I deserve this pain.

I don't think that's true.

Because of all the times I took them for granted, by never thinking one day (soon) they'd be gone...

Everyone takes stuff for granted though. You just get used to things being a certain way, and it's hard to imagine things being any different.

I should've spent more time doing fun things with them! But I got so wrapped up in the care giving. In the end, all that caregiving stuff meant nothing!! I should've focused more on other things.

Caregiving is really hard. It's hard to both play that role and also have fun in it.

I don't think the caregiving meant nothing...what would have happened to your mom if you hadn't done that?

I'm sorry it hurts so much to be without them. I'm also glad that you had parents that you loved enough for it to hurt not to have them in your life anymore.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Please don't feel guilty. Please be gentle with yourself.

Hugs

 

[foreverforgotten]

I know it's not the same, but you've got us at least.

I don't think that's true.

Everyone takes stuff for granted though. You just get used to things being a certain way, and it's hard to imagine things being any different.

Caregiving is really hard. It's hard to both play that role and also have fun in it.

I don't think the caregiving meant nothing...what would have happened to your mom if you hadn't done that?

I'm sorry it hurts so much to be without them. I'm also glad that you had parents that you loved enough for it to hurt not to have them in your life anymore.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Please don't feel guilty. Please be gentle with yourself.

Hugs

All of this means so much to me. More than you know.. I'm crying reading it. Thank you... I will keep re-reading it...

 

[Atreides]

I'm sorry about your loss. You don't deserve any pain. It's natural to take things for granted. And you're a good person for being their caretaker. Just know we're here for you.

 

[Windhover]

The guilt kills me.. It hurts so much.

I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want you to feel bad. Please release it, if you possibly can. Guilt is such a painful combination of feelings. Maybe someday, some of the fun things could still happen kind of in honor of your loved ones?

I’m glad you’re here.

 

[Waves]

Hello

Yes the love from a caring parent is unconditional. I only realized that after both my parents died when I was in my 20s. Too young to lose your parents when most people know have parents that live to be 84. That comfortable safe feeling of your home is quiet now. I wish I could give you a big hug. Let you car and mourn. And I wish that people see your pain and comfort you in this time of need. We all need love no matter what.

 

[Winslow]

@foreverforgotten
How I understand the way you feel is because both of my own parents have passed away too. My Father passed away when I myself was 6, and my Mother passed in 2020 at the age of 97. I don't suffer grief because it has been replaced by Gratitude for all the sacrifices she made for me. That attitude of Gratitude is the constructive way to deal with a loved one's departure. Gratitude for her giving me my Conscience--She is my Conscience.
And You don't have to feel guilt because, after all, You did your duty as a Caregiver. Guilt is if you did something wrong. Instead you did everything right.

 

[may71]

Thank you...

You're welcome!

Hugs

 

[Livelife]

I'm sorry you lost your dear parents while you are young. And it's nice that you had a special place to the three of you to release their ashes at. Please know that there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, you took care of them. I only had 3 weeks with my mother when in my 40's, was told she was ill. And a year and 1/2 of full-time caretaking my father before he died 7 years ago. I have no other family either being an only. It takes a long time to get used to it especially with no family to share grief and yourself with. Hugs and hope for peace for you.