No friends, no love, no job.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Viktor, Jun 12, 2014.

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  1. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Hi guys. My name is Viktor. I am 31 years old and i'm from Czech republic. I was trying to find some forum like this made by people from Czech republic, but i didn't find any. On top of not having friends, love and job, there are other stuff that are now going on in my life, so just simply talk about my problems won't fix it. I wanted to to find people to meet. You are all from US? You guys have easier life. You can find many stuff about everything on internet etc.. I was also searching videos on youtube about depression. When i was searching in english, i found so many videos about it. When i searched in Czech, i found none.I need some people here with me. Not just posting about it. It doesn't work for me much anymore. But still i'm going to tell you my story.

    I have always been very sensitive person. I never liked the big company of people. But i never liked being completely alone either. I never was a party boy. I always liked meeting people some normal way. But it's hard to meet people out of parties, bars, etc.. I don't like to drink alcohol, i don't like being drunk, i'm not taking drugs, i don't smoke... And basicaly because i don't like to do these crazy things, i ended up being more alone. I always had like 3 friends max. Now i am 31 years old and these friends doesn't care about me much anymore. Before i got internet, i used to play videogames a lot. And i played them with those friends. When i got internet, i reduced the amount of time playing games. Although i still did enjoy playing games and still enjoying them now. But now, i play only occasionally. After the school, i couldn't find job. I don't have high education. I am just a cook, but couldn't find job in it. After some time, i gave up on working in cooking and started searching for something else. By time, i forgot the cooking. But i was always struggling in searching for any job. Since my 20 till now, i was working about 4 years total max. Which is 4 years of 11. My mother divorced with my father when i was 10. My father is difficult case. His behavior to me wasn't any law breaking or stuff like that, but was bad. He was beating me in my school years when i was about 12 - 17. He was also cursing me. Although he never saw how down i was always feeling about it, because he was always so blind. I was also bullied in school, because i was silent type of guy. But mainly because of father's way of rising me, i ended up not being strong enough and didn't have enough inner will to overcome stuff and fight hard for my survival like finding job etc.. So i stuck and since my 20 till now, my life didn't move. It's like i am still 20 years old, but the problem is, i am 31. I didn't have a single progression in my life since then. And i ended up not talking to my father, even though we lived together. I was always avoiding him. Later, when i got older, he became a little bit wiser, but he was only less aggressive. He still had that stupid behavior and still has. He is so not understanding person. He is like he sees stuff that are only directly in front of his eyes, but nothing more, if you understand me. It's like everyone must be same as him and if you aren't, there is something wrong with you.
    So i was mostly home during those 11 years. I wasn't coming out much. I did, but not so much as i should. And i felt alone, more and more. I was never loved by a woman. Today, i feel like love is the only thing that could heal me. I feel psychically extremely weak today. Crying almost everyday. Sometime a lot during a day. And now... my father is selling this house. I do understand him on one hand. He was paying bills for both of us. He is 67 years old, retired. He has a partner and he wants to live with her. And i am 31 years old, which is old enough to live on my own. But if his approach to me was different since my childhood, i could be somewhere else today and this drama with selling house wouldn't be happening. He wanted to give this house to me. Which would be possible if his behavior was different. But like that i wouldn't be able to take it alone now. I don't have money for paying bills alone and this house also needs some repairs. So i will be forced to move, which will happen in about 2 months max. I will be moving to apartment that is still in my city, but i don't like that place at all. But the biggest problem i'm having with it is, that i will be moving to new environment completely alone and i'm having nightmares from it. Yesterday, i had to sign domicile to the new apartment. I was shaking and had hard time not to cry. I don't have problem living on my own. I would welcome it, if i wouldn't have to live alone. I miss love so much. SO MUCH! It's hard to talk about it. It never sounds so serious as i feel it. But i'm dreaming living with some nice girl who would love me. Who would be waiting for me home, when i return from work. I wouldn't care if she would cook for me or not. If she would love me, i would be happy. And here is the problem. No girl will want me when i'm not happy. And i'm not happy because i'm alone. But how much ok it is when girl don't want you only because you are not happy? Sad thing is, it is quite normal. Even friends doesn't want to be with you when they see you down. Jesus christ why? I mean, i am still me. I am just sad now, so be here for me if you are my friend and you can make me feel happier. But no, people rather run away, because it's perhaps easier like that. Same for girl. She can reject you only because you are not happy with yourself. I hear it all the time the same crap over and over: "you first have to be happy with yourself". This is so much nonsense! SO MUCH NONSENSE! Why people are like this? :'( If i saw sad girl, i would first want to know her how she is. If her character would be nice, i would fall in love, no matter if she smiles at the moment or if she cries in sorrow. Because if i could make her happy, that would be even more beautiful for me. Why people can't see it that way? And it's like every second person. Why? I was also chatting with a lot of people on facebook and other social websites. There it is even worse. When i start talking about my problems, they start to be annoyed. Some sooner, some later. So now, i am afraid to talk about my problems. Especially now,when i feel down so much as never before. Because i need to talk to people so much. Do you understand what effect this ignorance of people to sad people can have and most of the time does have? Suicide! Yes. How many times you saw in news for example that someone suicided? And then at least in news in my country, the journalists go and ask people in the person's neighborhood, if they know why he killed himself. Sometime they saw some problems, but many times, they say: "i don't know what was wrong with him, he seemed ok to me". You know why? Because actually even sad people has this in head that they shouldn't speak about their problems with others, because it could ruin their happy mood. This is so wrong! It has to stop. Speak about your problems, but mainly hear other people's problems and try to help especially if the person is your friend. Well, sometime also the problem is not visible on them because when sad people are among other people, they aren't sad. It works for me too. So that means that the other people see him ok because they see him only when he is with them obviously. But when he gets home again. He feels down again.
    I now don't know what to do myself. I have no strength anymore to try for something. I love music, i like to draw, i like reading about universe and watching documentaries about it. I like movies. I was thinking about studying music. Try to learn some instrument in order to make some living from it. But all i heard from people was that it's too late for that now. That to learn the instrument and making living from it, you need to start from childhood. Which discouraged me because part of me actually knows that it's true. I wanted to get some drawing lesson this year, but since father came up with the house selling, i am so depressed now that it paralyzed me. I have no strength to do anything now. And now i found friend on facebook. But only on facebook. She is from Germany. She is so nice. She sent me an letter where she says: "To my dearest friend Viktor - and her name-". And she also says some supportive words there. She did hit my heart so much with that, that i kind of fell in love with her. Yea, on internet. It's weird, i know. And she has boyfriend, so... But she is so kind and also so pretty and since i am so sensitive today and in need of love, it's hard for me to resist. I so wanted to tell her my problems. She said that i can tell her that she won't leave me. So i did. She did not leave me and said some supportive words. But now, i'm afraid she is getting bored from it even if she don't say it. I need her with me. I'm not sure if i truly love her. It's more like my heart is desperately seeking for someone who would love me too. I feel more than just a friendship but not sure if love. Today, we talked about that we could try voice chat together. It should be in evening. I'm looking forward to it, but i'm also nervous. My speaking english is not so good. I am so afraid that she will get annoyed. And even if she won't, i do miss her here so much and it's making me more sad because i know we can't be together. I am still looking for love.

    Just posting on forum won't fix anything for me. I need someone with me here. I need someone to live with me in the new apartment. I am so scared to be there alone. Some people thinks i'm coward because of it. Maybe you think the same. I simply have no strength anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore :'(

    Thanks all who had patient to read this to the end. I'm sure i forgot mention something. Oh well. But this post is ling enough already, anyway.

    Good luck to you all,

    Viktor.
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down and depressed. It sounds like you had quite a traumatic childhood with the bullying and your father beating you. This can leave emotional scars which may need addressing by a therapist so you can work past those issues. You should also see a doctor for your depression because you may need meds to lift your mood. In the mean time I suggest getting out and about and start doing more things so you can meet new people so you can make friends and maybe find a girlfriend. I would also suggest perhaps trying a dating site if you would like to find love but can't so via other means. It might help. Keep reaching out for support :hug:
     
  3. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Yep, those are those things i forgot to mention. But thank you for your reply.

    I was visiting psychologist (or therapist, if you will) in the end of year 2011 and beginning of 2012. About 4 months, every 14 days. She didn't help me at all. I was always sitting in front of her and was telling her everything. She was just telling me that she understand and similar stuff like that. She was just costing me money which i had to spare. I was telling her that i'm not there just to talk myself out, but that i want to help myself. But she wasn't helping me at all. She was just listening. So i stopped visiting her. In the beginning of this year, i felt so down again that i had to seek out for another psychologist again. But it was the same. Again she was practically just listening and saying only how she understands me. At least this one was free. But i stopped again because it felt like wasting of time. Well, back in 2012 again, i also visited psychiatrist. She gave me anti-depressants. I remember i took two pills. It did so much mess with me. It had terrible side effects. But the worst one was that it was making me even more depressed. So much that my hands was shaking in fear. Well, she said that it might happen for the first few weeks, before your brain gets used to it, but i couldn't stand it. Few weeks of such hell? No way. So i stopped taking them. I don't like psychiatrists. They are done with you so fast. And they don't care. Depression isn't like broken leg which can be simply fixed this easy. It is much more complicated. I don't think any psychologist could help me. I need love. That would help me. And friends too. If i had that, i would be cured without any of these rough methods, such as some med. It just scares me even more. Making me feel like i'm not normal and that i'm sick person. It makes me fear about my future even more.

    I tried couple of dating sites and now i'm on one that is quite decent. But to find partner there is really difficult. If i find some girl there that i like, i send her message, but she won't reply. Perhaps because she doesn't like me. Sometimes she replies that i'm not her type. And when some girl writes me (happed just about 3 times in about 4 years i am on that site), then i don't like her. I somehow wanted to avoid saying this here, but even though the outside appearance isn't everything, it is still something. And i feel really bad that i also choosing girls according to how they looks and not only according her character. But i don't require her to be some model. I think i still have quite high tolerance for appearance, but i have also some limits. I know you probably think that i can't afford choosing like that, but what can i do? :( I think that is the reason why we all are different. We all like something else. So we all like different people. And especially on dating sites, this is really hard. Because actually when i meet girl normally and get know her character even if i really don't like her much outside, but her character is pretty, then she is suddenly prettier on the outside as well. Which is interesting. But on date sites, it's hard to overcome the appearance if you can't see her character in the same time. So you end up not interested in meeting her because there is not the spark. I don't know what to do about it. But i need at least a bit of beauty on her from the outside also. I mean i must personally like her at least a bit from the outside :( But the character is also very important for me of course.
     
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Viktor, pleased to meet you and well done for reaching out to a forum in your 2nd language - you write well in English :) I agree with Butterfly's advice to you...... Keep reaching out for support and please keep asking the questions that you would like answers for. Pain inflicted upon us in our childhood - we can learn how to become free of this :)



    Ah, you posted again before mine appeared.....
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Regarding getting out to meet people - maybe if you could volunteer some of your time to a place focussed on a shared interest - like an animal shelter or a charity work - this would help you to meet people and bolster your level of happiness and self esteem (which are very attractive traits :))?
     
  6. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Not all from USA, but mainly from English-speaking countries. I think the site is based in the UK, but not sure. It is true that more is in English, Chinese, German, French, etc. since large populations use these languages. There is probably a suicide discussion group in Czech, but it may be hard to find.

    Google Search (in USA) has been sued by families of persons who killed themselves after visiting suicide-related web sites. So, their search on term "suicide forum" doesn't pick much up. You'll need a more precise term. Your therapist may know some.

    But you are always welcome here anyway. Best wishes. You deserve the best in life.

    `:butterfly3:
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2014
  7. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I would like to do that, but during these days, i'm really paralyzed to do something alone (even though i would meet people there). Every idea i get now are always destroyed by that "moving to another apartment alone" nightmare, which always drag me down to bottom.

    And that voice chat with that girl i was talking about that should happen this evening, isn't happening after all. She said she doesn't feel like for voice chat :( I am trying chatting with her very carefully, because i don't wanna lose her. But i fear that the same stuff as with others is happening again. I fear she will explode one day and will tell me that she is fed up by my sad bullshit as it happened to me before with other people, which would kill me again :'(
    Duo to my experiences in this, i am trying my best to talk about normal different stuff with her and not showing sadness too much. But i fear that even she is starting to be fed up now :'( I didn't tell her anything about that i'm sad that she won't do the voice chat with me. I told her i understand. But it hurts me and left me in fear :'( I know i'm perhaps overreacting. But now i'm overreacting to everything. All that fear from moving to the new flat alone... I so much need someone with me :'( Even though know that i can't be with this girl, i still do miss her here so much. If i'd simply let go my needs off, i would be messaging her every 5 minutes, which i know that she would be done with me fast. That's why i hold myself back. A lot. I know it's desperate behavior from me. It just hurts me. I don't know what to do :'(

    I want to show you guys this video. It's what i was talking about. People don't wanna have anything to do with sad people. Luckily there are still some nice guys among them. But the last lady is angel. I need such angel.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p07yqztqmY
     
  8. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Guess it's sometime needed to go out and sit on streets like this and cry, so that people can notice you and help you somehow perhaps :(
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    The video you posted really made me think, because it's a discussion I overheard a few weeks ago with some people I know; and it was sad how many of them probably wouldn't reach out to someone if they felt that person was down or just in need of someone to lean on.

    I know talking online can probably only help you so much, because you seem to really want and need someone there with you. But I hope you'll keep posting here. Sometimes reaching out, just letting someone in, can make a difference, can take the edge off the intense loneliness and make things more bearable.

    Here if you ever feel like talking.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2014
  10. Daydreamer

    Daydreamer Member

    Hi Victor!
    Would just like to add my two cents for what they are worth. I don´t know if your approach is really helping you. Dating sites and "finding an angel" are all romantic notions but there is just no "special girl" out there to heal you. Life is not a fairy tale and you can´t wait for a prince or princess on a white steed to rescue you. If you are seriously depressed, a partner can´t help you. Partners are good for life´s normal ups and downs but they just can´t care for you on a medical level. I´m sorry your doctors up to now haven´t been very good. If talking is not the therapy for you then maybe you can find someone with a behavioural approach where you learn to deal with your triggers. Maybe group therapy would work for you. But please don´t wait for someone to show up and make your life better/easier. I´ve been chronically depressed for over 20 years and I am married. But being married doesn´t take the pain away or make my "down days" any easier. My husband can´t "make me happy" when I´m just not. I fight my disease mostly alone, sometimes with the help of my therapist. (Though I find her a lot more helpful on better days when I can see things more realistically.) My husband can´t put his life on hold when I´m in my "dark place" and listen to my endless repeat of the dark things in my head. Not because he doesn´t love me but because he has a job, there are bills to pay, we have two kids that have to be taken care of.
    Victor, I really wish you all the best from my heart, that you find help, that you can accept that help, even if it doesn´t come in the form of a girl you want as a partner.
     
  11. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your message, but i can't agree. Maybe you think it's because i don't wanna accept it, but actually everyone has a different form of depression. Someone has depression from nothing, like you maybe? And i know there are more people like you that even if they have family, they don't feel their family is helping them. I don't have depression just like that from nothing. That is why i maybe don't have a depression at all. I am simply sad because i am lonely. And i am sad a lot because of it. It hurts me. And because my "depression" has cause, which is the loneliness, my depression can be cured if i'll stop being lonely. So that means that person who would care for me, could heal me just because she cares. She wouldn't have to taking care of me, but simply love me and want to be with me, if you understand me (here was my english issue i think). I wouldn't want from her to do stuff for me. Just by being here and loving me would give me strength. Then i would be happy and be sure that i would have normal relationship with her, which would be full of love. That is my core of the problem. I don't have it. I don't have it and never had that actually. This and other causes i described has dragged me to bottom. I'm not looking for princess. If you talked about the part where i said that i also must like the girl visually, then i also said that she doesn't have to be model. There just have to be at least a little bit outside beauty. But she doesn't have to be princess nor any way special. Just a normal girl. And of course, the character is more important for me. If she would be beautiful as princess, but her character would be bad, then i wouldn't be interested in her.

    My depression is different from yours. Not everyone must necessarily have same kind of depression. Being on your place, i would be probably happy. I would feel like my life has meaning. Because i'd have family, someone i could live for and they loves me and i love them. Although i believe that even in families are some bad situations that can cause sadness or depression if you will.

    I also wish you all the best. Hope your depressions will be gone one day and you will be happy with your family again. Perhaps you could go to vocation together? To sea, etc. So you can have nice time together. Perhaps something romantic :) You mentioned word "romantic" as if it wasn't real. Why not? If you love each other, it can be romantic. So you can have romantic times together. I'm sorry if you maybe tried all this. I'm just trying to help, since people are trying to help me here too.
     
  12. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I also forgot to add that there are also people which when they are depressed, they are upset all the time and pushing away others. So that is exactly opposite depression from the one i have. I want to be with people. I would never be bad on them. I'm trying to be kind and helpful to other people. Because i wanna make friends and hopefully find love.
     
  13. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    So tomorrow, my father will probably sign the contract for selling the house. After that, there is no coming back, i think. Then it will last about two months max (but probably less) till i will have to move to the new apartment. I am so scared of it. I hate the new place where i have to move. I know how it all looks. But if i wouldn't have to do this change alone, i would be ok with that. I'm afraid living there alone. I had so much loneliness in my life and now this. Nobody will be waiting for me home when i return from work (if i'll ever find any job at all), nobody will hug me if i will feel sad, nobody who i could help with anything and simply nobody who i could share my life with. Nobody who would love me :( I am completely out of energy. I have no strength to look for job anymore. There is no reason for me to work. There is nobody for who i could do that. I know i am old enough to live on my own and i would accept that, but not alone. I can't take any more loneliness :'(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2014
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know I care and am listening. :hug: I'm sorry you feel so alone.
     
  15. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much WildCherry. You are so kind person :hug:
     
  16. someone0629

    someone0629 Member

    Hey Viktor!
    I'm just new here and I too have no friends, no love and no job. I totally agree with you when you said people don't like sad stories. Among my friends I am the loser in both success and love. It's hard to talk to them about your problems when they are completely happy and successful. I understand them because they've work hard to be successful and happy and we have to figure it by ourselves too because it will be fulfilling. However, our main difference is I don't rely my happiness on someone. I'm used to being alone and I like being alone. Maybe the reason I don't have friends is because I pushed them away but if they are really good friends, once I figure out what I want in my life, I will get in touch with them again.

    You have to figure what will make you happy as well and not put your happiness in someone. Imagine if you rely your happiness solely on someone and things did not work for the both of you, then you'll be depress again. Just like Daydreamer said having someone in your life does not mean you'll be happy. Maybe you could use this time to find your passion. You said you like music then go for it. Don't let others control your happiness or interest.

    I also understand you have standards in women. Like you, I also like good looking men, in your case woman, but you have to understand those women who you find attractive have standards too. Most of them want men who are good looking, stable and most of the time funny. How can they be interested in you if your sad. If you get into a commitment with someone, it is important that you make your love one happy. So you really have to work on yourself first and make yourself happy. Think of it this way. You cannot share a chocolate cake to someone if you don't have it right? Same with happiness. You cannot share happiness with someone if you yourself isn't happy. I hope you get my point.

    Hope you find the love that is so real because you deserve it!

    btw you can read my thread. You'll see... What will I do with the rest of my life?
     
  17. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Things that makes us happy are those that we miss and we will get them. I mean that can change our sadness to happiness. You say you like being alone. So it means you don't mind being alone. You have it simply different in your head. I don't like being alone, so it makes me sad when i'm alone. We have all different personalities, needs and interests. Someone don't wanna be amongst people and someone can't be alone. Just like someone likes red color and someone likes green. But you can't giving people advices to try to be happy for themselves because you yourself are ok being alone. Because if you are ok being alone, then it's easier for you to say "you need to be happy with yourself first". And yes, you maybe don't realize it, but you are saying it because you yourself are ok being alone.

    Alright, i know you mean it well with me, so i'll try my best not to go too hard on you. I am sorry, but anytime i hear/read this opinion, my adrenalin is rising rapidly and regardless i felt happy or sad before, this always changing all my moods into total fury.
    90% of people says that no girl will want you if you are sad and that you need to be first happy with yourself to give happiness so that the girl might get interested in you. AND I'M SO SICK OF THIS CRAP!!!!! I want you to stop for a minute and think about if this is ok. You are saying that if we are sad, we cannot be in relationship with someone because it would make the other person sad as well and you are saying it's understandable. Now maybe i'm the only person different on this planet, but if i met a sad girl that is interested in me, i would look if she has a good character. Not whether she's happy or sad. Maybe you could now also tell me that i wouldn't care whether she is happy or sad, because i want relationship myself and i'm not ok being alone, etc... But this isn't coming only from me. This is right in general. Every damn people might think same as you, but nobody will every convince me that what you say is right and understandable. And this is exactly what i was talking about in my long post, didn't i? People don't wanna be with sad people, because it makes the happy people sad too. And i remember that i said, it's extremely selfish from people that doesn't want to be around sad people. Same goes in relationship. So because i'm said, i'm being punished and nobody will want to stay with me, because i'm said. On top of everything. Because that will of course make me sad even more, which will cause that people will not want to be around me even more. You see the stupidity and total close-mindness in it? If you are sad, it doesn't make you bad person, god damn it. And your comparison with cake is totally invalid. You can create happiness by being here for each other. I'm talking about the relationship. If i met a sad girl and she would be otherwise awesome, i would get attracted by her awesomeness. Then if she is sad because she is alone, i could make her happy just by being interested in her and wanting being with her. So i would actually gain one more thing if i got interested in sad girl. I would get awesome girl and also, i would heal someone's sadness and make her happy. That would be additional awesomeness on top of all. But no, most of the people on the world think total STUPID, so they will rather move away from sad people and leave them to their fate. No matter what their actual character is, because that is easier, right? F*ck sad people, right? No matter if most of people has the same opinion as you to this, you are wrong! And you ARE wrong!!! And you all people should stop thinking like this! Because this is one of the reasons why people can commit suicide. Because you are leaving them alone. You are rejecting them because of their sadness. What do you logically think it could cause? Well, it definitely won't make them feel any happier, will it. And I'M SO SICK OF THIS STUPID BEHAVIOR!! Open your mind people! Stop thinking selfish! This opinion you told me has no wisdom and it's not right. It's sad and total bullsh*t. And i want everyone with this opinion to remove it out of their heads!!! Just stop it people! STOP! NOOOOW!!!


    Thanks. I will read your thread.
     
  18. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    So our house is already sold. And i will be moving in 14 days. I am so depressed now. Before when such things wasn't happening and i was just feeling alone, some other stuff was helping me. Like watching movies, playing games, etc... But now... there is the moving that is coming close and i'm so afraid of that. Nothing is helping me now. Everything i enjoy is being disturbed by the moving thoughts. And my father moving and selling the furniture isn't helping it at all. It's like i'm panicking inside. I don't know what to do. And i will live alone in the new apartment. First month probably with my sister till she moves to her new apartment, which will be really bad. And i don't like that place too. And i will have money from the sold house, but i will run out of them eventually. I am most of the time jobless. It's hard for me to find job and to keep one. I am afraid of my future. I am so scared of everything now. And i'm alone to all this. Nobody here to hug me and to be here for me. I'm really desperate now. Please help :'(

    Edit: I copied this post to this thread which i created later because i think it's better thread for it: http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?134891-I-m-scared&p=1448531#post1448531

    This post can be deleted.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2014
  19. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    i would hug you, Viktor, if i could. many times i go months without a touch of any kind from another human being...lately it has been 5 weeks and counting...so a hug, especially with someone like you who could understand this kind of pain, would be amazing.

    ((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))
     
  20. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Thank you :hug:
     
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