No subject

[sadhart]

Sometimes I just don't know what to title these. I woke up today with some painful things bothering me. Like, it just hit me out of no where kind of thing. It was things like being rejected and not being understood or having my feelings belittled. And the hard part is having to go through the day feeling like this because it doesn't just go away.

A few weeks ago, I called out to work and someone from HR emailed me saying they were concerned and wanted to know if I was okay. I said I was because there is this fear that if I told the truth, it would just make things worse. Nothing like saying you feel hopeless about life to find yourself possibly seen as a potential threat in the workplace.

Sorry, I'm rambling. But between things feeling consistently dreadful and the sadness that comes from the holidays, it's hard for me to feel all that good or hopeful.

 

[iloverachel]

I can relate my friend
I am sorry to hear you have been going through this for so long
I wish I knew a way to help you feel better
Sometimes painful thoughts of rejection and loneliness does hit hard. I find it best to do something to keep the mind occupied on those dark thoughts during those times, which is easier said than done, like watching a movie or reading a book.

 

[sadhart]

I can relate my friend
I am sorry to hear you have been going through this for so long
I wish I knew a way to help you feel better
Sometimes painful thoughts of rejection and loneliness does hit hard. I find it best to do something to keep the mind occupied on those dark thoughts during those times, which is easier said than done, like watching a movie or reading a book.

Yes, I know those things can help, but lately they haven't been. It's even more so because I'm currently working and dealing with a bunch of crap that is going to make for a long day.

 

[Walker]

iirc you're in the US, right? That can always be shaky ground for telling your employer that you're feeling bad. I don't know what part of the country you're even in but you can google whether your employee program can report back to your employer if you're suicidal. Usually these things are in place to prevent you from a decline in mental health though. People care. And it sounds like they want to make sure you're going to be alright. They didn't have to call you. No one made them pick up the phone, you know? But they wanted to make sure you were okay. Maybe telling them you aren't is okay. You've tried lots of other things - right?

 

[sadhart]

iirc you're in the US, right? That can always be shaky ground for telling your employer that you're feeling bad. I don't know what part of the country you're even in but you can google whether your employee program can report back to your employer if you're suicidal. Usually these things are in place to prevent you from a decline in mental health though. People care. And it sounds like they want to make sure you're going to be alright. They didn't have to call you. No one made them pick up the phone, you know? But they wanted to make sure you were okay. Maybe telling them you aren't is okay. You've tried lots of other things - right?

Yes, there is a program. It's just really limited. Nut I also know that she didn't have to contact me. But being in the U.S. and with it seeming like a workplace incident takes place regularly, it's just hard to fully know the best way to tell someone that I may be struggling.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

If your employer has an Employee Assistance Plan for counseling, you should be able to get a number you can call - your employer will not be advised that you access the plan.

 

[sadhart]

If your employer has an Employee Assistance Plan for counseling, you should be able to get a number you can call - your employer will not be advised that you access the plan.

I already have a therapist so I can't really use that service right now

 

[sadhart]

You know...I just don't think my heart is in it anymore. I mean like with things like my job and sobriety and just enjoying things. Yes, I know some people find medication helps, but not for me it hasn't. Someone at work just now told me to smile as it was going to be a good day. And do you know what I wanted to say to him?

"I don't want to live anymore. "

I didn't, of course. But I feel very unhappy and hopeless.

 

[Walker]

Someone at work just now told me to smile as it was going to be a good day.

People that say this are fricking annoying. There should be more acknowledgement in the world around people who don't want to hear shit like this. Don't you just want to kick him in the ankle?? Aggravating.
Anyway, I do hope your day improves.

 

[Dalida]

Someone at work just now told me to smile as it was going to be a good day.

Oh HELLS no. No one ever has the right to tell you how to present to the world. Fork that.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

To be fair, I think sometimes people say that to pump THEMSELVES up for the day - that's been my experience anyway. But it can fall under the umbrella of toxic positivity. Barbara Ehrenreich wrote a great book about toxic positivity which talks a lot about the workplace, and some of her work in this area was made into YouTube videos as well.

 

[sadhart]

To be fair, I think sometimes people say that to pump THEMSELVES up for the day - that's been my experience anyway. But it can fall under the umbrella of toxic positivity. Barbara Ehrenreich wrote a great book about toxic positivity which talks a lot about the workplace, and some of her work in this area was made into YouTube videos as well.

Funny you should mention that book because I bought it a few months ago on amazon but haven't gotten around to reading it yet.