I'm just so tired of even trying to better myself. I go out and I try to give myself a chance to enjoy things, but why bother? Even going to a grocery store is a challenge. I really hate myself and my life and how worthless it is. I hate how I don't have the courage to just end it. And I hate how I am in this weird place where i am sober and working steady but have all this heartache and pain. It's times like this where my sobriety just feels so meaningless.
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- Thread starter sadhart
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Hi Sadhart, who asks you to be better? You are good. Don't you put yourself under too much pressure. You have so many things to be proud of - you have a job, you are sober... these destructive feelings - try to think something positive. Honestly, I was in the same mood today and just watched a movie "The parents of her" and laughed tears. One thing - when I go out: I try to limit social contacts to a minimum, but I walk in nature a lot. This gives me power. Check one day in Google "Camino Natural Vía Verde del Río Oja". All these people who think the "Camino to Santiago de Compostela" is it - they do not know. Wish you could be here and make the 55 or so KM (takes 2 days) - but gives peace. If extended 10 KM great lakes... Nature and walking are good things. I wish you feel better - with all my heart, really.
I know it may be hard to see yourself, but you are doing great. I'm sorry if you don't want to hear this, but every life has value, yours too. I think you have worth. I hope that in time some of your heartache and pain can go away. With me, it took time and a lot of going over things in my head. I also used to drink a lot more and worked in a bar/club where drinking was encouraged. This wasn't healthy like 4 x per week for many years. I never thought I'd be in a place of acceptance this many years later, in good relationships with my children, except for one, able to pay my bills, etc. some days I even wake up glad to be alive. It takes some time though I feel. Also, you have to treat yourself with kindness, as a best friend would. Thanks for letting me share sadhart.
You know what? I can give myself every chance to be hopeful and none of it matters because life is gonna show up in one bullshit way or another. Just had something really shitty happen at work and I don't hate my job as much as I hate my life and living. I am tired of one bad thing after another happening to me and there is never any hope or relief.