Venting Nobody will ever miss a useless autistic person!!

[Tracie-1984]

When I end up eventually dying by suicide, will I be missed by any of the people in my life, or will my troubled life have had no meaning at all?!

I can't see myself having any future at all - I only see myself spending the rest of my life self-injuring and hitting myself in the head the same way someone with severe autism self-injures in frustration!!

In a few years from now, I only see myself ending up EVEN MORE unhappy and EVEN MORE severely depressed than I already am at the moment - in fact I won't even want to be alive anymore when I start having thoughts of ending my own mental suffering because of the torture that comes with my mental condition!! Ten years from now, I will have ended up becoming a sad and bitter person!!

 

[Lifeisthis]

Ur not useless we care about you on here please please be kind to yourself and don't label yourself

 

[seabird]

Welcome to SF @Tracie-1984. I am glad you are here. Feel free to PM me.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry things are so bad Tracie. I hope you'll say more about what's going on if you'd like to.

Sending safe hugs

 

[Fbr27]

I never had a diagnose of something like autism but I feel the same.

Nobody would even miss me after a year.

 

[Lifeisthis]

We like you and want you around please

 

[Harrow]

I'm also on the autistic spectrum, it's hard sometimes, really hard and I've been there. But reach out, don't give up, people do genuinely care

 

[Jsinjin]

I understand. I understand what it’s like to always say the wrong thing and to always know what is going on but never be able to make others understand. It’s so tough to see everything so clearly and be stuck doing things that you can see don’t matter but everyone still wants them done to check off boxes. It sucks. It’s terrible.

I know it’s hard to be down and be thinking that none of anything matters

somehow the people around you kinda do matter in the long run and even the ones who you are afraid of or you don’t get along with really do care. I’ve been there. I understand.
I hope and pray you have an upswing soon.

 

[KM76710]

I hope that you will stick around posting and getting to know the forum and members. You have a place here with us and we will not consider you useless, but welcomed here.

 

[Tracie-1984]

https://traceyodeyemi.muchloved.com/Gallery/Thoughts/697025294

https://www.supportline.org.uk/prob...SLd5t8DSKD-lhXMncA_aem_iRb-YKP1xPfVNKFexeCidA

I will be remembered as a severely depressed and very troubled soul - even though I imagine my grave being vandalised and the person getting into trouble with the police for the vandalism!!

 

[Tracie-1984]

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/self-injurious-behaviour

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/self-harm

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/depression


I am always wondering what is going to happen to me when I end up being sectioned by my mental health team - I am still contemplating hurting myself in the near future AND in a very brutal and horrific way!! When I start inflicting injuries on myself and ending up with self-inflicted bruises all over my body as though SOMEONE ELSE has been beating me, I plan on ending up in an ACTUAL REAL HOSPITAL - not just a psychiatric hospital for those who are as mentally damaged and severely depressed as I am!!!!

 

[Jsinjin]

I hope you do not choose to hurt yourself. I can keep listening to you on here by reading. Hurting yourself is an option that definitely isn’t necessary to get mental health and physical help. There are some avenues for emergencies if you feel terrible.

 

[nash]

Please do not self-harm. There are people that care. Writing how you feel is a good step forward.

 

[Lifeisthis]

Just checking in thinking about you

 

[SushiGirl]

Hey Tracie, I can totally relate. You see I'm autistic too. I'm at work right now but you can message me if you want and I will respond on my next break. I know it seems like it won't get better but it does. There is hope out there for both of us. Anyway if you need a friend or just someone to listen I'm here and I care.