Not feeling very well...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Damask, Apr 15, 2013.

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  1. Damask

    Damask Well-Known Member

    I haven't posted here in a super long time. I see the forum got a new layout in my absence.

    For a long time I thought I was better. I thought that maybe my life was coming together. That maybe everything would finally get to a point where I could handle the curve balls that may come my way. I was really happy for a whie.

    But it all came crashing down again.

    I've been suffering from a lot of anxiety. Anxiety used to never be a problem for me, but lately, it has been.

    I went to a walk-in free clinic. It was nice. At the end of my session I felt like an idiot, though. I let a lot of things spill out, and the more I spoke the more I thought that maybe I'm just a big idiot for feeling the way I do.

    I've been trying so hard to keep up appearances. I have friends who have been going through legitimate drama and I put on a happy face for them, because how could I burden anyone with my problems?

    I have been feeling really awful lately, though. Very awful.

    And I've been feeling so much about how I just wish everyone I've ever known would just forget that I exist because ugh, I'm a loser. I can't ever seem to shake this nagging feeling that I'm somehow just this awful person who deserves to be punished severely. Punished for what, I'm not sure. For being me, maybe? For every choice I've ever made? I seriously think sometimes that I'm worse than a murderer. :/

    I see every good thing in my life not as a blessing, but as a reason I deserve to be punished.

    But why do I deserve to be punished?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You don't deserve to be punished, and you aren't a loser. It's ok to talk about what's bothering you, and you shouldn't feel like an idiot for that. I usually keep my problems inside too, because I don't want to bring anyone down, but if something's on your mind then you should speak on it. It's worse to keep it all inside and let it eat away at you. Remember that you aren't a bad person and you deserve to be happy and without so much worry.
  3. Damask

    Damask Well-Known Member

    I know, the logical part of my brain keeps telling me that these things are unwarranted. But I just can't shake the feeling. I've felt like this for years.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Yeah, I feel pretty badly about myself too...the depression can cloud your judgment of yourself...and you will only see bad things while others see the good in you. So you need to remember that you aren't as bad as you perceive yourself to be.
  5. Damask

    Damask Well-Known Member

    I will try. Thanks for your kind words.
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