Not good enough

[Jolene]

Keep trying things Jolene and never give up on yourself. You are worth it! I hope you can find some strategies that help you and bring you some peace. {{{Hugs}}}

Thank you. I try but it seems that everything I try something, I manage to make things worse. I don't know what I'm going to do.

 

[Lara_C]

Thank you. I try but it seems that everything I try something, I manage to make things worse. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: "My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened." Most of our imagined catastrophes never materialize, but the stress hormones that worry dumps into the brain have been linked to shrinking brain mass, lowering IQ, heart disease, cancer, premature ageing, Alzheimers, and clinical depression.

Nature gave us a 90 second window to bust stressful thinking before it takes a long walk off a short pier, and the more you bust stressful thinking during the day, the more your brain will strengthen synapses that end worry.

The part of the brain that causes stress reactions literally has the intelligence of a toddler. And, as every parent knows, you don't stop a tantrum by appealing to a child's logic. You distract the child. The Clear Button is a tool which distracts the terrible two-year-old in our brains from casting us off the deep end:

Here's how it works. You imagine a button at the center of your palm. You press it and count to three, thinking of each number as a color. Visualize the color as you count.

• Breathe in, count 1, think red
• Breathe in, count 2, think blue.
• Breathe in, count 3, think green.
• On the exhale, completely let go of thinking anything for a moment.

More here: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/85-of-what-we-worry-about_b_8028368?guccounter=1

 

[Jolene]

Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: "My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened." Most of our imagined catastrophes never materialize, but the stress hormones that worry dumps into the brain have been linked to shrinking brain mass, lowering IQ, heart disease, cancer, premature ageing, Alzheimers, and clinical depression.

Nature gave us a 90 second window to bust stressful thinking before it takes a long walk off a short pier, and the more you bust stressful thinking during the day, the more your brain will strengthen synapses that end worry.

The part of the brain that causes stress reactions literally has the intelligence of a toddler. And, as every parent knows, you don't stop a tantrum by appealing to a child's logic. You distract the child. The Clear Button is a tool which distracts the terrible two-year-old in our brains from casting us off the deep end:

Here's how it works. You imagine a button at the center of your palm. You press it and count to three, thinking of each number as a color. Visualize the color as you count.

• Breathe in, count 1, think red
• Breathe in, count 2, think blue.
• Breathe in, count 3, think green.
• On the exhale, completely let go of thinking anything for a moment.

More here: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/85-of-what-we-worry-about_b_8028368?guccounter=1

Wow. Never heard of that. I like it. I will try and I will probably write it down in one of my notebooks because it's very interesting. So BIG THANK YOU. I hope it works

 

[Lara_C]

I hope so too, but it will only work if you keep doing it every time your mind carries you off into the non existent pain laden past or the fear laden imaginary future. I think visualizing the colours might work for you because you've got very strong imaginative powers. That moment at the end of the exercise where you just let go thinking anything at all is the peace which is missing from your life, and the present moment i.e. reality.

Try to notice it and dive in as deeply as you can having felt it even for an instant. Try to just rest in the lovely peace of a silent mind for a few moments. It's freedom and it feels good. This is your natural state - minus all the pain and fear which is stopping you from living life the way it is meant to be lived. And keep telling yourself you're good enough until you realize its true

 

[Jolene]

I hope so too, but it will only work if you keep doing it every time your mind carries you off into the non existent pain laden past or the fear laden imaginary future. I think visualizing the colours might work for you because you've got very strong imaginative powers. That moment at the end of the exercise where you just let go thinking anything at all is the peace which is missing from your life, and the present moment i.e. reality.

Try to notice it and dive in as deeply as you can having felt it even for an instant. Try to just rest in the lovely peace of a silent mind for a few moments. It's freedom and it feels good. This is your natural state - minus all the pain and fear which is stopping you from living life the way it is meant to be lived. And keep telling yourself you're good enough until you realize its true

I have had insomnia since I was a teen. I never said "I suffer from insomnia". On the contrary, I enjoyed it. Why? Because after midnight, when everybody is sleeping, nothing bad can happen (well, yes, death, and one of the ones which affected me the most was in a night moment, but it's the exception9. So my nights were / are "mine", is when I used to be able to focus because nothing bad should be happening. But even that doesn't work now.

I'm telling this because I was thinking "I'll try Lara's tip but later, when "the world" (this part of it) is sleeping and I can focus". Stupid ehm? I suffer (yes, in this case is suffering) of a serious case of "FOMO" but negative: I am afraid as hell that, while I'm doing anything, something awful is happening and the pain is awaiting for me and when I end the activity (reading, sleeping, even an exam or my therapy sessions) the suffering attacks me. It increases the pain, I don't like to "ignore", I don't know if I'm explaining myself well So this is anxiety at its worst, a constant "alert" mood and my mind fearing the worst.

I've be been like this most of my life but in loooow level. Just the fear of anything happening while I was on holiday or something, not this anxiety and fear. So the periods of my life I forget all that and lived peacefully are my best memories, my safe places and mean a lot to me. My relationship with my ex (except the last weeks) was like that. He could give me a ind of calm nothing nor nobody gave me. I miss that. Not him, well, yes, kind of, but not as before. But I recognize that he has the power and the willing to give me that peace (he used to tell me that I did the same) and that's one of the reasons why my relationship with him was so much to me. But as I said, right now, that's not the problem.

 

[Lara_C]

The only cure for anxiety is to fix the mind on what's right in front of you, or whatever you're doing right now, and to train it to stay there instead of carrying you off into the nightmare its created for you. As I said, your mind is yours to command, but you have to learn how to take charge of it, and then keep practicing the technique. I know how hard it seems as first, I've been there, but the key to the freedom, peace and joy you need and desire is in your own hands.

Take off the blinkers your mind has conjured up and see yourself as the sweet, worthy, loveable you that you really are, huggs.

​

 

[Lara_C]

I suffer (yes, in this case is suffering) of a serious case of "FOMO" but negative: I am afraid as hell that, while I'm doing anything, something awful is happening and the pain is awaiting for me

There must be peace first of all, and the more deeply you touch the peace of mental silence, the more your subsequent thoughts will be naturally filled with hope and positivity, so keep trying just to notice it.

It's about developing the power of concentration instead of letting your mind run on automatic pilot. The mind is weak when you let it run all over the place, but developing the power of concentration gives you the power to use your imagination to create a positive, happy vision of the future. You are not the weak, helpless and hopeless person you imagine yourself to be. You have the power to reclaim your life and happiness, the life you should be living.

 

[Jolene]

Thank you so much @Lara_C
I will try, I promise. It's just... I'm losing control again, in terms of... People is noticing I'm not good. I have been learning to hide itbut now I'm back at square one again and this will bring problems with my family. I know that tomorrow I'll have to face some fight about something "stupid", but certain members of my family are extremely strict and take the fact I'm not as "serious" as something personal aganist them. It's going to be tough, I've face this before but their patience is running out and I already know that they're call me reckless and "menace me" to kick me out... I don't have the strenght so deal with them trying to make me feel guilty, selfish and childish.
Last week was a nightmare and I even had troubles with my friends. My temper is getting worse and worse, I've had a "phase" like this and I can't control it. My therapist knows but she thinks that this is not bad, since she use to tell me "you should get angry more times, you shoud fight aganist what is unfair to you and not accept everything". So a bit rage doesn't sound bad to her.

I hope at least this night isn't ad because I'll need all my strenghts in the morning. So I'll try these techniques tonight, it's a good time to start, I guess

 

[Lara_C]

I know that tomorrow I'll have to face some fight about something "stupid", but certain members of my family are extremely strict and take the fact I'm not as "serious" as something personal aganist them. It's going to be tough, I've face this before but their patience is running out and I already know that they're call me reckless and "menace me" to kick me out... I don't have the strenght so deal with them trying to make me feel guilty, selfish and childish.

Would you like to say some more about this Jolene?

 

[Jolene]

Would you like to say some more about this Jolene?

Got worse. Because the confrontation didn't happen. Only cold-treatment. This is much worse because I feel them resentful and ready to "attack" me when I least expect. I don't need this too. I have enough troubles.

But thank you. I guess that when it happens I'll come here to tell...

 

[Lara_C]

This is much worse because I feel them resentful and ready to "attack" me when I least expect. I don't need this too. I have enough trouble

You do have enough trouble already, but even though it comes out as the cold treatment, they are probably just frustrated that nothing they've done seems to help you, and they can't think of anything they could do that would help. What could they do to help Jolene, what would you tell them if you could?

 

[Jolene]

You do have enough trouble already, but even though it comes out as the cold treatment, they are probably just frustrated that nothing they've done seems to help you, and they can't think of anything they could do that would help. What could they do to help Jolene, what would you tell them if you could?

They have always judged me, long before my depression. So this makes it worse because they think I'm just lazy. Somebody in my family recovered froma depression in six months, so they think that I didn't is my fault. I've told here, I think, but one person even accused me recently of not be going to therapy and spending that money on myself. They don't understand because they don't want me to get better,, they want me to change my personality. And I won't. I told that to my therapist and she said that tehere's nothing wrong with my personality apart from my insecurities, so I don't have to change anything about myself (when it comes to my way to socialize and all that), sonly get over my fears and that my family have no rights to want that. I knew it already and I won't change what I am never. It may seems the opposite, but I love myself how I am except for the not being good enough but that's another story not related to my family's ideas of me