I am a 28 year old male. I grew up failing. Could never seem to pay attention. I don't know whether it was the dirty drugs or depression.I never got past my freshman year. My life then spiraled into "use" and horrible relationships. Every woman I've come close to has claimed me as an "idiot" or retarded. My closest friends know me as permanently tripping and deal with me trailing off or spacing out. I have a trade, but am constantly messing up and have little or no respect there. I wake up from dreams of a life I could never have. The thoughts of death are soothing. The thought of not having to push through another day seem like my happiest moments.