Not sure. . .need opinions,just curious

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Morningstar, Jan 5, 2012.

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  1. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    I'm posting this because well this has bugged me for quite a long time. I've never talked about it with any of the shrinks or therapist or doctors I've seen or had or have. Basically I guess you could say I've had 'problems' with eating for all my life, at first eating too much. I was overweight for the first 17 years of my life, not overly overweight but enough. Then when I got addicted to painkillers when I was16/17 I lost weight, once I started I.V'ing a lot of weight. I went from 250-125lbs(which is what I weighed when I checked into rehab) in the space of 4 months. Anyway after I got clean from the painkillers(the first time) my metabolism changed and went into overdrive. And Ill admit I loved the fact that I lost all that weight and that suddenly I was able to stay thinner. But then it got to the point over the last few years that I just couldn't eat properly. I didn't want to eat either, everything didn't have any taste and just made me want to throw up. And even before that started I constantly worried about my weight, thinking I was too fat even when I wasn't. Once my not eating properly started it got even worse. Sometimes I'd go without eating for a few days at a time(2-4) or just eat a bare bare minimum to appease my mom(who I was living with when this started). I also didn't want to ruin my high's as I'd started using again when this all started. And now it's starting again, big time, I was clean for almost 9 months when I slipped and used before new years. And I just haven't and don't want to really eat again and I feel so fat. I mean I know I'm not really, I'm actually still a little underweight for my height. I've barely eaten in the last week, a few pretzels, some small snacks, and the like. Other then that the most I've eaten was two really small sandwiches at work today. I just can't bring myself to eat, everything tastes like nothing(except sweets), it grosses me out, makes me gag, makes me want to throw up, and jut plain disgusts me(even watching other people creeps me out). I can drink stuff fine, but solids, unless they're sweet or very light, I just can't do it. So my question is, do I have an eating disorder of some kind?, or just self-image problems(which I admit I do), or is this even a problem?, and does anyone else deal with things being like this? Mainly I'm just curious, I don't have any intention of talking with my doctors or therapist about this though, just curious.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you are under weight and you are not eating food makes you sick yes then you do have a eating problem better to get some support now before your eating habits cause damage hun if your starve yourself you are starving vital organs of the nutrients they need to work properly
     
  3. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    Well like I said I'm not that underweight for my height, maybe by 15-20lbs. I've only had my weight climb up to this point in the last 9 months as that's the amount of time since I stopped using hydromorphone and oxycontin. Both of which kept my weight down to (for me anyway) a comfortable 140lbs and now I'm about 180-185lbs. I did finally eat properly today though, even though I didn't really want to, but it was getting to uncomfortable not eating. I know and understand what you're trying to say and even appreciate the concern. Like I said in my original post though this doesn't really bother me all that much it's just something that has always intrigued me and made me curious. So thank you very much for your response and take care.
     
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