Since 2018 I haven't had a straight 8 hour sleep. My joint pain and mental anguish plagues my mind . I'm 42 next week and the thought of that alone is making my depression much worse. My only love and passion in life was martial arts and I can't train anymore because of my joints. I live with my father who has ocd and has no life , no friends no hobbies, believes mental illness is nonsense, something you just get over, I don't have many distractions, even going to see my brother is depressing as his life is quite terrible too. I can only work 2 nights a week because of my joints and insomnia, I can't focus in the day , I have memory loss due to my insomnia and taking endep for 4 years whilst drinking along with it at times. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore. My girlfriend feels helpess , she has her own problems. I can't foresee a future in which I am happy and pain free and doing the things I love ever again. And the worst part about it is I'm starting to curse my parents for bringing me into this world . When I see my dads face everyday it upsets me. I'm starting to hate even my small distractions like playing playstation, as it's all pointless shit in the end . I'm worried I'm going to do something to myself, and I don't know when I'm going to snap
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- Thread starter Jezah81
- Start date
Sorry to hear you have suffered for so long
I don't have physical paint or joint problems, but i can relate to the mental anguish and pain.
Life does suck, but i hope it gets better for you soon
I am glad that you reached out to me in 2021 and that we became good friends. I always enjoyed talking with you on here, on texts and all the time spent eating out with you have been good memories. Thanks for always being helpful to others on this forum too!
Happy early birthday
Sorry to hear you have suffered for so long
I don't have physical paint or joint problems, but i can relate to the mental anguish and pain.
Life does suck, but i hope it gets better for you soon
I am glad that you reached out to me in 2021 and that we became good friends. I always enjoyed talking with you on here, on texts and all the time spent eating out with you have been good memories. Thanks for always being helpful to others on this forum too!
Happy early birthday
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, and that it's been going on so long. I wish I knew something to say that would ease your pain, I'm glad you have found this place at least, where you can feel heard and there are people who understand. I've battled with insomnia myself but has been a bit better lately (though yesterday was bad!). It sounds so hellish to not be able to do the physical activity you love 😥 I hope you find a way to try to enjoy the small distractions - if they help, they help, try not to be so hard on yourself for doing whatever helps. All your feelings are very understandable.
I really wish I could take away your suffering, but I'll give you the advice a nurse once gave me: to never stop seeing specialists because there is always something else the doctors can try. I thought my condition held no hope, but I was wrong and I did find something that worked thank goodness.
I also feel like you should keep trying to get disability and subsidized housing - in Canada you can appeal multiple times and get an advocate if you have been turned down. Organizations for people with disabilities can have information.
Also here, you are considered "homeless" if you are living with a family member so you can usually get subsidized housing quickly whereas normally the wait lists are 10+ years. This does not apply if you live with a spouse. Note: normally you need to be on disability first to get low-income housing.
I really wish I could take away your suffering, but I'll give you the advice a nurse once gave me: to never stop seeing specialists because there is always something else the doctors can try. I thought my condition held no hope, but I was wrong and I did find something that worked thank goodness.
I also feel like you should keep trying to get disability and subsidized housing - in Canada you can appeal multiple times and get an advocate if you have been turned down. Organizations for people with disabilities can have information.
Also here, you are considered "homeless" if you are living with a family member so you can usually get subsidized housing quickly whereas normally the wait lists are 10+ years. This does not apply if you live with a spouse. Note: normally you need to be on disability first to get low-income housing.
Hey hey..it's okay..don't worry..I'm so sorry for what you're going through..my situation is more or less the same..I have mental sickness almost like a disability..I had to quit my education and don't know whether I would be able to do the job..don't know how i will survive after my dad passes away as he is the bread winner..HUGSSSS....I'll pray for you..I hope we'll find peace in the midst of this..sending love..
I can relate to this all too well. I used to mountain bike and weight train like a crazy man because exercise was the only thing that helped lower my symptoms of clinical depression and anxiety. Yet I am now paying the price for having put my body through so much exercise and have osteoarthritis in both knees, right hip, hands and shoulder. Even bulking with creatine and using a very healthy nutrient dense diet doesn't help anymore. I am feeling old and my muscles feel sore and tired all the time even after a 2 week rest from exercise. My depression is worsening and everything seems so pointless and meaningless. My so-called family also believe that depression isn't a real thing and I despise them for it. I honestly don't believe that anything matters anymore, and I just feel numb to existence. I would be quite happy to go to sleep and never wake up again.
Sorry you are going through all this turmoil. Life is hell for some of us.
Sorry you are going through all this turmoil. Life is hell for some of us.
That's exactly it. It's unfortunate when the purpose of your life is in the things you can't do anymore. Or the things you don't have anymore. I don't even know who I am without martial arts. I guess maybe not many people understand but I guess I need to accept it until it's time that I can't accept it
I'm sorry you're suffering so much from physical and emotional pain. And I hope you get to feeling better. I'm sorry you're not physically able to do some of the things you used to. And I hope you can find new things to pass the time. You might not be able to do martial arts. But maybe you could write about it. Maybe you could start a blog or something. These are just ideas. I hope you can find something. Until then just know SF is here for you.