You've all been so helpful, thank you. I'm a positive person by nature and always looking for ways forward so yes, I've made those appointments. The people I've spoken to (doctors, health services etc) either can't, or won't help. I've been on a waiting list to just speak to someone for well over a year. No-one at my doctor's surgery knows me, so they always say the same thing when I visit, promising to get things done. Next visit, different doctor, same promise. I have done everything in my power to make my life better - taking Open University courses, learning to drive, losing loads of weight, learning different languages... you name it, I've tried it. I've looked after my health, but how do you exercise with tendonitis, and how do you make your eyesight/hearing/memory improve?
So the 'where do I start' question isn't 'what can I do next?', but rather, 'what can I do next that I've already tried before? How do I make it work when it depends on other people who don't care or don't have the funding to help?'
My relationship with my husband is the problem at the forefront of my mind right now, and after I found out that he was spending a LOT of money on his mobile game and hiding it from me, when our credit cards are maxed out, and we are not meeting payments, I took his deceit to heart, particularly as he blamed me for not buying him presents. I understand that he has a problem, and I'm willing to work it out with him, but he won't talk to me about it, so I'm left frantically worried about finances, and, as usual, no-one (except you) to talk to. And now I've lost my trust in him. And all the while he is making fun of me, refusing to touch me (we've not made love or had sexual contact in a year or more) and not talking to me.
I'm still mourning the death of my mother, and feeling really lousy about losing my job (I was injured at work - their fault - and then dismissed because I took time off to heal). My hamster, bless her tiny heart, was only with me 5 months and I committed 100 pounds to try and save her, but it didn't work. And now I'm 100 pounds further in debt, and sweet hammy is still dead. And I don't earn money because I can't work. I've tried working online, teaching online, everything I can, but nothing brings in money.
I have lost so much in the last year or so, that I sometimes feel that there's nothing left to lose. But there is. When I mentioned separating to my husband, he said he would make me sell my house and I would not have enough money to buy another place. And I don't have anyone to stay with. I looked online for help, possibly legal aid, but there was none available. Yep, that sounds about right....
