Nothing.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by aao, Jan 31, 2013.

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  1. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    I feel so extremely sad. I want to cry. I want to hurt myself. I don't know what to do. It's like I have 5000 years of sadness and solitude and loneliness and hopelessness in my back. I feel like crying for years. I don't know. I just feel like dying. I know no one loves me or gives a shit about me. I'm all alone and I'll die alone. I fucking want to cry. I don't want to be me. I don't want to be. I want to get away from this pain. I have to. I must do it. This isn't life. I can't go on. I hate myself.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi aao I am so sorry hun you are so sad and feel so alone. I just want you to know i hear you and i care ok. Please know you can pm me anytime if you want to just talk
    You keep posting ok you keep reaching out here talk in chat meet new people hun You will soon see you are not so alone anymore hugs
     
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Hold on, keep coming here. It is worth it, *You* are worth it.
     
  4. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    I need to hurt myself. I fantasize about doing it all fucking day long. I don't know what the fuck I am. I don't know what I became, what I turned into. But I sure as fuck know very well I fucking hate it, whatever it is, whatever I am. I've always hated my fucking guts though. That's been a constant through my entire pathetic life. Can someone come and murder me?
     
  5. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    I hate this. I took more xanax than I should to see if I could calm down. I can't. I can't. I'm going insane. Why do people do the things they do? I think and I think and I think and try to make sense of it all, but can't. Never can. Nothing makes sense. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I'm filled with this fucking dread. I'm losing my mind. Everything is dreadful, ominous. I hate everything. All I have is this fucking eternal loneliness and this emptiness, this infinite void inside. That's all I have and all I am. It's consuming, suffocating, crushing me. Everything always stays the same. The same fucking cycles over and over and over and over again. All my fucking life.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are so much more hun then the void you feel I hope you can talk to your doctor ok about your medication not being affective You keep talking here hun it does help ok
    I get it how frustrating it seems when you feel stucked in a vicious cycle but you keep reaching out ok here and to your doctor hugs
     
  7. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    aao - I wanted to tell you that there are people on here who share a lot of what you are feeling. The dread, the loneliness, the emptiness... A lot of us are struggling in the same darkness. Please keep posting!
     
  8. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Understanding why people do what they do I'd say is one hell of a challenge. You'd need to learn about everything to start with and that could possibly be very near impossible.

    Trying to make sense of it can be awkward, especially if some are bullies. Why do people become bullies? Generally because something has gone wrong in their childhood. (as a broadly stereotypical example).

    As for hating the emptiness, the loneliness etc, are you doing enough to get around it? Some people think they do enough, but ask someone with no legs who's learnt to walk again how it feels to overcome a barrier. Ask someone whos lost family/friends why they continue to carry on living - it's most likely guided with the spirit of the loved one they've lost. It may just open your eyes to the fact the world isn't all doom and gloom as depression or other disorders have us believe.

    There are people who care. People who can relate. There's a chance of creating a foundation to live rather than dwell in misery. It does no real favours to anyone, and those who get more out of life generally do more - cliche I know, but I also know that doing nothing gets nowhere
     
  9. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    I'm really hating myself right now. Myself and everything and everyone else. I feel such ire, such fucking rage. I fucking swear I try to be a decent person, but that gets me fucking nowhere. I always end up lonelier that I was before. This fucking loneliness NEVER ENDS. IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS. I need to cut SO BAD. I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE!!! I WANT TO FUCKING RIP MY FUCKING VEINS OPEN. I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM UNTIL I HAVE NO FUCKING LUNGS LEFT. I FEEL LIKE I COULD FUCKING KILL SOMEONE. And, the motherfucking OCD. IT'LL NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE. NEVER. I FUCKING PREFER TO DIE.
     
  10. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you need anger management as well as seeing a therapist as for why you want to end it all. If that's how angry you are at the world, you can do something to reduce that. Being a decent person doesn't mean You get nowhere. It's more likely to bring respect from others. But if you showcase this anger/ire/hatred, any hint of that decent person within has a far higher chance of being lost.

    This is a pro-life support site so the responses I post will be guided that way.
     
  11. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    I NEVER, let me repeat that again, NEVER "showcase" ANY anger/ire/hatred. OK?
     
  12. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I think you'll find that using capitals on a message board is often construed as shouting. Put that with swearing a fair few times in a previous post of yours would actually nullify your comment that you never showcase any anger. Whether its frustration at life and surroundings or not, you've contradicted yourself.

    Having said that, you are very quick to rant, yet not able to respond to the potential suggestions that have been made. Is there anything wrong with someone offering possible solutions? Doesn't mean they have to be taken, but perhaps by acknowledging that there are people willing to put some effort in to be supportive may also have a positive impact on reducing your 'bite everyone's head off who tries to help' attitude that comes across.

    It's far easier to deny things, as much as its easier to moan than it is to change. You don't like how things are right now? Change what you actually can. I actually had to have anger management myself when I was 16 because I raised my fists to the one person who I really shouldn't have. I've never Lashed out since, which suggests that it did actually work. What's to say it wouldn't work for you if you actually tried?
     
  13. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    Whatever. You don't even know me at all and suggested I should get into anger management. That's NOT what I need at all, OK? I've NEVER "raised my fists" to anyone at all in my whole life, for example. And, yes, I am very quick to rant because that's how I feel right now, OK? I don't need your permission to express the horrid way I feel right now in any given way I please, OK? You're not helping me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2013
  14. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Everyone is entitled to express themselves how they want to. That I have no problem with. Having re-read some of your posts in this thread however, you've been aggressive towards me, fairly hostile, and if you feel such ire and such rage (I removed swearing but virtually quoted you from a post on the first page), you're denying that you have this problem. If you feel that ire and rage, regardless of what it's directed at, you need professional help of some variety. Denial doesn't help you or anyone around you.

    Ok, you have ADHD, OCD and possibly bipolar II, as well as anxiety, but having browsed a few of your other posts around the forum, there is a high level of animosity, and a desire to shy away from being responsible. No-one can live your life for you. No-one has a right to dictate your choices. But avoiding responsibility of living is pretty much what you are doing. You're a self-confessed coward who is unlikely to go ahead with acting on the want to die, yet you're denying yourself of a chance to change that.

    I don't know you, no, but you're the one who isn't helping yourself. I may have said a few things that you haven't liked, which is natural that some won't do, yet does that really merit being offensive in return?
     
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I deleted your response to unimportant as it was rude and not necessary unimportant was responding in a way to get you to look at yourself more clearly Members here try to help others see where they are not seeing You have no right to attack others or be rude here ok That being said your right no one truly knows you like you do and if you are honest with yourself you will see how much pain and anger you are holding onto and get help with them .
     
  16. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    How was it rude exactly? Why don't you consider their responses rude as well? I came here to rant, to talk about shit. I was and am in a difficult place, and this person came and said things that they shouldn't have said. They judged me, and some of those judgements were made regarding other posts of mine that did not pertain at all to this thread. They don't know me at all and had the nerve to judge me and make assumptions about myself and my character. Then, they hijacked this thread and made it all about them and their whining. Whining which was all about the responses I made to their rude judgements. I merely responded on the same terms. Some way to disrespect me. People come here at their most vulnerable to talk, to not to be judged. I DID NOT come here to be judged and disrespected.
     
  17. PureBlueLight

    PureBlueLight Well-Known Member

    The internet won't help you, it only distracts you from your problems. There's not real help in distant words, only someone close to you can trully help.
     
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