he was an ex-marine, and extremely proud of this fact. he Semper Fi'd, he had the tattoo, all of it.
he LOVED my mom, even if they parted ways. he could never stand the fact that his alcohol use drove them apart and never reconciled her dating other people. it broke his heart.
he had this laugh that was like a donkey bray. it was entirely unique and we would lovingly mimic it.
he was the first person to really know how to help my brother, who has autism and is nonverbal. anyone who loved my brother is family, full stop.
there was the time we all went to the katy perry concert together. not his scene, but he went with us.
he gave me a loan of $2000 to move to utah once. it was the biggest cash gift i've gotten from someone who wasn't mom. i didn't ask him for it, he just did it.
he basically raised sara. after dad and mom divorced and dad fucked off to be with his new "better" family, sara went through a LOT of baggage. guess who was her second dad? Tom.
He loved outdoorsy stuff. he had a cabin in the seattle woods that he loved to go to. big fisher, loved guns (even if i despised them).
he was SMART. like genius level smart. he had a phd in psychology and helped build my mom's business from the ground up.
we lost contact with him a few years ago. lots of reasons, he was being an idiot, his alcoholism had gotten really bad, and he wouldn't stop being weird with mom. I think the last interaction i had with him wasn't positive. he didn't come to sara's wedding. it broke her heart and pissed me off, so i had effectively cut him out.
i never hated him though.
He drunk himself to death all alone in his apartment. the cops only discovered him because no one had heard from him in a while. this is the saddest, most horrible way to die i can possibly think of, and NOT befitting someone who deserved better. my heart is utterly shattered.