Numb...

[DarkMatter]

My sister in law committed suicide on Thursday night. She was recently diagnosed with bipolar and had been put on loads of medication. I was close to her as we got on so well and I also have bipolar so I understood so much of what she was going through. Her sisters were downright mean to her and had no compassion for how she felt. She wanted to visit here to see my kids (she adored them so much and they are devastated by this.

I honestly don't know what I'm feeling. I can't go to the funeral as we only have enough money for my husband (her brother) to go over to Ireland at such short notice after the holidays. My husband is over there at the moment and spent the day shaking hands with everyone. Today was the Wake, she is back at home in the front room. My husband has PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and is on medication because he has attempted suicide in the past during a psychotic episode. However today when I spoke to him he was very calm and this worries me.

I don't know how this will affect me, I don't want to lose the plot, I've attempted suicide several times in the past and I worry that my brain won't tolerate this much pain. I loved her so much and miss her already. I just don't know how to react.

 

[total eclipse]

Dark Matter please hun hug your children ok they will keep you here they will take some of that pain away that you are feeling I hope your husband returns soon so you both can support each other ok sorry for you loss hugs

 

[DarkMatter]

Thank you xx

 

[total eclipse]

No need to thank me hun just hope you know you are not alone ok you keep posting here if you need us h ugs

 

[jxdama]

you must seek out people to share love with to make you feel better.

 

[Acy]

DarkMatter, I'm very sorry for your loss. :hug: Sudden loss and grief can cause us to feel numb or "not sure what we're feeling".

Love and caring from and for family and friends is important, especially now. Keep reaching out here because we care. I'm thinking of you. s you*

 

[motobreath137]

I don't know if this helps, but I am bi-polar as well and the numbness hasn't yet subsided since my Uncle's suicide, but I never thought I would make it this far. So maybe it will be at least one less thing to worry about to know that you will make it. I never thought I would be able to handle it and the million smaller things we are all bombarded with everyday as well, but even though I am still numb and scared of the feeling, I'm still alive and never felt as though I had reached my end point all along the way.