Ocdocdocd

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jnick, Feb 8, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    I was diagnosed at age nine with first tourettes syndrome because of all the physical tics I had, then the diagnosis changed to OCD. Whatever the case it has made my life intolerable for years at a time. Over the past few years I have developed BDD supposedly and have picked at my face causing some scarring that I am still trying to accept. I get stuck in thought patterns(pure o) and have to think through things exactly right or start all over. It is pure hell at times and has ruined the last three years of my life for sure. I am now 35. I certainly don't have any answers, I just know that I wouldn't wish it upon the worst of my enemies. To the point: I have had learned through studying this disease that when it manifests in childhood it is usually the child that creates something controllable in their mind when they feel they are not in control in life. The theory is that we create a ritual that we can control for comfort, and it works at first. It then becomes a habit and something we cannot stop doing. It snowballs, and some are more fortunate than others in getting out. One analogy I can make from experience is unfortunately hard drugs. Anyone that has had a substance problem will tell you that it is a ghost, you are always chasing that first high. OCD being an anxiety disorder intensifies in nervous moments, I believe I try and cope with these emotions through ritualistic thought, when in reality it just makes things worse. Some will say it makes it worse, some will tell you its a good distraction. The jury is still out on that one, it can go either way with me. It doesnt really make me more anxious normally but more frustrated at the repitition. I would rather be pissed than anxious. The point of this rant is that I found a clip recently that really spoke to me. I grew up skateboarding from about age nine and continued into my late twenties, I will hopefully pick it up again soon. Everything about it spoke to me, the freedom of personal style, endless possibilities, conquering personal fears, creativity, the counter culture activity that it was at the time, you know like pre X Games when we had to fight people all the time. Society demonized us, so the jock kids fucked with us and unless you set a precedent and knocked somebodys teeth out, they just kept coming. Sadly, regardless of genuine efforts to create understanding like machine man, NAMI, etc. I believe we will always be marginalized. We will always be called crazy in that dismissive way. The vast majority of people have no compassion. With that said I believe that most people with mental challenges are vastly more intelligent, creative and talented than your everyday drone. Just choose your battles wisely. We not only have to fight for our lives, but we have to maintain our pride and sense of self worth in a very cold world. This is a link to a story about professional skateboarder Andrew Reynolds. He suffers from OCD that he simply refers to as "The Madness." Enjoy, keep fighting, keep accepting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b642MPgR4QU
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.