Ok...help!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by antagonist93, Sep 29, 2010.

  1. antagonist93

    antagonist93 Member

    OK. So I'm a guy and I like guys. But I really hate myself for it and I dont know why. I was raised in a family that told me it was ok so why am I so mad at myself about it? Also I don't want to label myself because I dont like labels but at the same time I feel like I HAVE to or ill be alone FOREVER. I am very lonely. help!! I wish I just liked girls and girls alone in that way. it would make life so much easier! I'm already depressed so I don't need this!! aaahh!
     
  2. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    Are your friends homophobic?
     
  3. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    You need to accept fully, sub-consciously, who you are. I would also research various support sites for those in your position. There are also forums out there to join with people in a similar position to yourself.

    Hang on in there.
     
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Well... it's not easy for anyone to like themselves completely.
    Perhaps you have other things that you don't like about yourself and you are just focusing on your sexual preferences.

    It would be good for you to see a therapist about this.
    I think you really need to talk to a professional to help you get past this feeling and to be comfortable with who you are.

    You can't just 'change' who you find sexually attractive.
    We're all born with these feelings naturally and to try and go the opposite way would never make you happy because you would always be doing what is unnatural for you.
     
  5. antagonist93

    antagonist93 Member

    My friends arent homophobic. I told my two best friends i was BI because its not as much of a difficult label, but no one else. they were ok with it

    ....but perhaps KittyGirl and Punk you are right. I never considered there were things about myself I didn't like before but there probably are or else I wouldnt be depressed in the first place. And I tried counselling once and I couldn't do it. I just cant think of anything to say AT ALL when I'm in front of a counsellor. It all comes back to me when I get home! I'm just not sure what to do!

    Thanks all of you
     
  6. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    So when what you want to say to the counsellor comes back to you either write it down or get one of those digital recorders (like a dictaphone). When I used to start going to counselling sessions I barely said a word for the first two. They understand that it hard to talk to a complete stranger.
     
  7. antagonist93

    antagonist93 Member

    hmm. I dont know. I want to be helped. I really do. But I did before like 8 times with no results. And I dont know if i have the free time in my life to do it like i did then. I really feel hopeless :(
     
  8. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    You also have to consider the media. Television and movies tend to portray gay people in a negative light. If you have picked up this and internalised it, then it could lead to your feelings.
     
  9. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Personally, I think this has changed massively. In Australia when Stephanie Rice said '******' in an offensive way towards a sports team or something when they lost over the social site Twitter, she was dumped by the Jaguar car company(one of her sponsors). She then tearfully apologized on TV about her homophobic comment.

    Another example is when a school wanted to change the lyrics of 'Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree'. One of the last verses in the song goes; '...laugh, Kookaburra laugh, Kookaburra gay your life must be.'. Back in the day that song was written gay ment joyful/flamboyant/happy etc. People ended up saying that it was rediculous that they wanted to change the lyrics from 'gay' to 'fun'. Changing the words to the song would also infringe on the copyright laws, allowing Larrikin Music to sue if it were to happen.

    The school principal eventually went on a morning talk show and said that it was a mistake and they have since left the word 'gay' in the song. The hosts of the morning show were saying that they could have educated the children about the fact that there are different people in this world, chances are there would be at least ONE gay/bisexual child in that class(statistically speaking).

    But yes, some TV 'events' can be more homophobic/negative towards gays.

    I highly suggest counselling as others have said. Keeping in mind: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. The world would be a much sadder place without you! :) :hug:
     
  10. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    We live in a straight world and being gay makes you an outcast without even trying. I've had similar thoughts when i was younger and i even told my friends that i was bi cause somehow it was easier than admitting to myself i was gay. Its wasn't until i accepted my self did I realize it was useless to beat myself up for something i cant change and i realized i wasted all this time worrying about what other people would think of me and how much harder my life is cause im gay when the reality was nowhere as frightening or hard or isolating as i feared it would be. In fact i made it harder on myself and wasted so much time being afraid and my only regret was not coming out sooner as i felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of me when i finally did come out...The only thing i would say to you is do waste so much time worrying about what others think of you and just live your life being true to yourself, there is nothing wrong with being gay and the sooner u accept that the sooner you can get on with your life..just my opinion tho i really dont know your situation besides what u write here...
     
  11. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    You should seek counseling if this problem persists. Being gay isn't a psychological disorder, but suffering distress over your sexuality is usually sorted out over counseling.

    I suffer from a horrible paraphilia (being gay is not a paraphilia), and it causes me much distress.
     
  12. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Ego-Distonic Sexual Disorder, yes.

    I certainly do agree - people have become a lot more accepting in recent years. Unfortunately, there are still some real skinheads out there.
     
  13. antagonist93

    antagonist93 Member

    Thanks all of you. I dont have anything against other people who are gay, and I dont think theres anything wrong with being gay i just cant stand the idea of me being gay....I'm only homophobic with myself not others. I'm just scared this is going to ruin my life.
     
  14. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    When I was coming to terms with it, I did a lot of research. On the internet, nobody will know about it. It really helped me overcome a lot of my preconceptions. It might make you feel a bit better about who you are.

    Of course, I could just be spewing bullshit.
     
  15. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Being gay won't ruin your life. When you can come to terms with it and accept it, you will be happy. Just imagine not having to hide that massive secret you have? It'd be as though a enormous weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

    I always think I'll have a more exciting life as a gay guy. I'm glad I was born this way :tongue:.