I don't have the courage to commit suicide. I simply want to die. I am tired. I am so very tired. no one understands that. I do not want to be tired anymore. I don't want to be angry all the time. I just want to sleep. through my days and nights. completely comfortable in my bed, with no fears of nightmares, no flash backs to childhood, no thoughts of suicide, worthlessness, hopelessness, guilt.... just nothing. I want to clear my mind and sleep a deep long sleep. What am I supposed to do when no amount of sleep helps to cure my exhaustion, no amount of friends cure my loneliness, no dreams or goals too close to give me hope. what am I supposed to do when the only thing that scares me anymore is the pain of suicide. The fear of failure. Zoloft doesn't help, I want to be numb. I want to be in effect, chemically lobotomized, so that I may rest even just for a little bit.
okay
- Thread starter normaljoe
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Its hard and very difficult feel this way. Youre not alone feeling this way I do feel like you described some days. Just to rest my bones on a soft clouds and no care in the world. Its a sweet nothingness for me if I am ever able to accomplish that.
Just take it one day at a time and I find its getting easier to talk to my Therapist it is making me less exhausted it seems like for now. Do you have one?
Just take it one day at a time and I find its getting easier to talk to my Therapist it is making me less exhausted it seems like for now. Do you have one?
yea I have had a therapist, going on third one. They seem to care, when i went through their prerequisite questionnaire they wanted to take me to a psych ward because of my answers (all be it truthful) scared them. I am on anti depressents too but they only seem to last a a little bit until I up them again and then it just continues. I am on 150 (was on 200 but that is another issue lol) and the same thing is happening, they work for a bit and then it seems it just stops. I already brought it up with my shrinks.
Zoloft(Setraline) has made me feel a whole lot better regarding anxiety, however I don't suffer with depression anymore so I honestly don't know if it would have helped for that. I had this argument with my doctor before (about anti-d's stopping working) she disagreed and said they don't and that only certain groups of medications benzodiazepines,painkillers and a few others stop working. I didn't agree though. I knew the last one had stopped. I do hope you can talk to your therapist about this and maybe he/she can discuss this your doctor. Good luck to you 
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